The Light in the Woods

 3/30/08 Inspirations           Another way to know the inspired nature of my writings is that when I do try to use my own intellect on spiritual thoughts when the grace of God is not on me, I founder and struggle in heavy labor, all to no avail. Contrast this to the spiritual writing in which I record thoughts under the grace of the Holy Spirit; when words flow out of my pen as smoothly as the ink itself, without any effort of my own. I don’t care in the least about this failure of intellect, for if I was able to overcome my mental block, the result of my human accomplishment would be incalculably less satisfying than the effortless gift of the presence of God shown by spiritual insight. God so often teaches me by contrast, and it works well every time. I have never been able to satisfactorily get my mind around the significance of the baskets of leftover scraps collected after Jesus fed the four thousands and five thousands with the loaves and fishes. I can see many viable parallels, but nothing that screams at me as the real intended teaching. And yet I know that sometime — when I’m under the influence of the Holy Spirit – I will read of this and know exactly the significance of the passage without any hesitation or reflection whatsoever. This is how it’s been working with me – contrasting the practice of the presence of God with the testing of it by my interjecting it with my own efforts. Each time I come away with renewed gratitude that this is only a test.

3/30/08 Spiritual Presentations            My sweet but clueless dog lies next to me as I read the Scriptures; when I put the Bible down he lays his big head over it and sighs. As I look at this wonderful dope using the wisdom of God for a pillow, I realize that he is closer to a unitive relationship with the Creator than I can ever hope to be. He lives exactly how God created him to live, doing just as God desires. Though he sometimes drives me batty, he is totally pleasing to God in his innocence and simplicity. He does not sin – and for that reason alone I could learn a lot from him about the perfect will of God and its provision and protection for all who are abandoned to it.

3/28/08 Insights from Study           This morning’s devotions included the following in Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest : “I know when the proposition comes from God because of its quiet persistence: When I have to weigh the pros and cons, and doubt and debate come in, I am bringing in an element that is not of God, and I come to the conclusion that the suggestion was not a right one.” It got me to thinking about how the favorite opposition to Mysticism is that we can’t possibly distinguish between our thoughts and God’s thoughts, so we can never be free of suggestion and deception. As I read my devotions today I realized that I really can’t see my thoughts as coming from me, and that this is because nothing comes from me. My thoughts, my desires, my perception, my life, is so entwined and immersed in God that I don’t think of myself as me at all, and certainly not as the author of the words I write. Far from being the objection to Mysticism, this state of identity confusion is the very proof that as a method, Mysticism works. When God gives you insights, the very worst thing you can do – analyze them against sensible experience – is the very thing the world values as scientific method. But I don’t value this world or it’s methods when something is important enough for God’s instruction. I agree that it is something that cannot be analyzed scientifically. Where I part with others is that I believe God’s instruction transcends the need for human analysis just as perfection transcends imperfection. It accedes to the recognition that the Creator is more knowledgeable of His creation than His creatures are. Prove to me that the universe was not created, and I will admit I have been deceived. If you can’t prove this, you need to think about all the knowledge you have passed by with your nose in the air. The universe could get along quite well without human knowledge. But knowledge is a gift from our Creator. I know my insights come from God because that’s where everything comes from – our only input is our decision to accept this lovingly or to despoil it with human silliness. I have made my decision so unequivocally and so honestly that it doesn’t occur to me to analyze the results. This confusion of self then, my thoughts being lost in God, is the definitive argument for Mysticism; not against it.

3/28/08 Reflections           I came into this world on the demand of God. I don’t need to wonder the purpose of it – it just is. I don’t ask for any responsibility that isn’t in His plan, and any responsibility that is in His plan for me I accept without reservation and carry out according to His guidance. I understand that humans sin as a result of any tendency to wrest control from God; that God allows us to go out on our own but also must allow us to experience the consequences of this decision. We can’t have it both ways – freedom from God and freedom from the sin and suffering which are the consequences of choosing the inferior route. And so as much as the world will allow I choose the superior route – the way of God. I’m imperfect in this because I must exist in an imperfect world, and so I expect trials and transgressions. But God knows my desires, and I can please Him in many ways when I offer Him my will. This provides me with many benefits in the here and now, and paves the way for me to enter into a kingdom where perfection is not only possible, but is the state of existence. This short period on Earth while I wait for my real life isn’t worth one second of fear, although its power over me is great. There is a greater power watching over me and doing for me all the infinite number of things I can’t do for myself. I recognize the love behind this guidance, and welcome it with gratitude. I do all I can not to spoil it with my own pitiful intervention. I try to be as innocent as the natural world which has no free will, or as a baby who hasn’t yet exercised his free will. I’m blessed to recognize the beauty of this innocence, which gets so easily lost amid the inferior things of the world.

3/26/08 Inspirations                Another thing that mystics stress is the necessity of placing all thought in the present and pushing thoughts of past and future into the darkness at the side of the path of enlightenment. This is criticized as insensitive but it serves a very real function – it allows us to live with the presence of God as our support, because with God there is no time but the present. I think of this as I consider the lesser of God’s creatures and the way they live only for the moment. If there’s a piece of food before them, for instance, they don’t analyze how it got there or where the next piece will come from. They focus on what they have at the moment, and it always works out for them because they too are provided for in God’s master plan. That isn’t to say the past doesn’t train them for the present and the future, just that this occurs without their analysis. And that isn’t to say they will never suffer, for that too is built into the good plan. It’s just that other creatures, having no will, have no choice but to live in the present and interact with the presence of the Creator. When we use our will to decide to do what creatures do naturally, we are afforded the same simplicity of purpose. When we concentrate on what we have at the moment, we realize the work of God instead of thinking of our own deeds or what fate has in store for us. We allow God to guide us, putting the responsibility on Him and letting His presence determine our present. We can accomplish this most easily through contemplation, and aren’t surprised that the propensity isn’t nearly as strong outside the discipline of contemplation. But I’m sure many mystics are able to live this way more or less consistently and subconsciously. Probably this is a blessing to be conferred by God rather than a goal to be humanly attained, but as in other ways of Mysticism it is something we can welcome and prepare for by means of spiritual virtue. If only the desire and the humility to be content in this abandonment is accomplished, that’s still a blessed state. We can go beyond practicing the presence of God as the instinctive necessity of nature; further into the holy state of abandonment of will — by limiting as much as possible the work of our memory (the past) and of our imagination (the future) and focusing ourselves on the present moment which is defined by the presence of our Creator. The more we can be conscious of doing this the better.

3/25/08 Spiritual Presentations           In morning prayer I was thanking God for the beautiful snow coming down, and feeling especially joyful for having a special sense of His presence this morning. Then across the bay through the whiteness I saw two eagles perched next to each other on the Eagle’s Nest Tree. There was a great rhythmic, almost ritualistic, flurry of wings – I think from both of them, it was hard to make that out in the poor visibility. But because of the poor visibility the action was specially noticeable by contrast. I like to think I saw the eagles breeding, although they’re supposed to do that in flight. Anyway, happening as it did while I was thanking God for His presence, the never-before-seen eagle show struck me as a divine “You’re welcome”.

3/23/08 Insights from Prayer           I love God and want to be perfect for Him. As a resident of a sin-cursed world I can’t be perfect, but I can approach it as closely as I can with what I have in this life. The death and resurrection of God-made-Man shows me that God’s love has figured out a way for me to enter heaven on my own death, even though I can’t have reached the perfection required of eternal glory. The manifestation of God that is Jesus had come to Earth, took all of Earth’s sins upon Himself, and by his crucifixion took all those sins to the grave with Him – burying forever the imperfect part of us that we can’t overcome here. His rising from the gravesite of Earthly sin assures us that because of His sacrifice, which is really God’s mercy by substitution, we can be able to enter heaven directly upon our death — this final imperfection that would otherwise disqualify us has been redeemed for us in advance. Easter is not just another chapter in the life of the Messiah – it’s the celebration of the greatest love of all, God’s love for us. It shows how much He wants us all together with Him in perfect glory and joy. To return this love in gratitude, we need to get as close to sinless perfection as we can.

3/21/08 Inspirations             Hope and change? Try God. Mystics don’t rely on anything humanity can do – they go right to God for truth and light. God’s truth and light change you from mortal-mindedness to being God-centered. This is the change that brings about real hope, because when you anchor your hope in God you attach yourself to real power, not the puny power of men. And if you make an honest and driven effort to live a Godly life, even when you fail more often than you succeed, there will be moments when you realize how much you’ve already changed for the better. These are the moments when the “me” you’ve been used to shows itself as the “me” God has made you into. Patience where before you had frustration, acceptance where before you had enmity, love where before you shied away, forgiveness where before you held a grudge, charity where before you held your possessions close to you. When you are stopped in amazement at the progress that has been made in you, the amazement comes because it hasn’t been your own conscious work that has made the difference, but the power of God working quietly and lovingly within you behind the scenes. Allow God to change you, and if you’re receptive to understanding His work in you, therein lies your hope.

3/21/08 Reflections        Why do mystics keep stressing the goal of “union with God”? Can we “know” God enough to be in union with Him? Is sinful man worthy of this unitive state? What people need to realize is that a unitive relationship with God doesn’t imply that we know God well. We can’t and shouldn’t strive to understand the mind of God the way human beings get to know each other so well they have a seemingly perfect meeting of the minds. Mysticism stresses that we can’t compare ourselves to God this way – we have neither the divinity for this nor the capacity to hold within us the whole of what God is or does or knows. In the same way, we can’t comprehend the vastness of the universe – though we can get a glimpse of it, that glimpse also shows us how very much we don’t understand of it. This is the “cloud of unknowing” that mystics speak of. In a unitive relationship with God, instead of striving to know God you merely accept the unknowing in such a way as you are receptive to what it is that God does want for you to know. Being worthy of a unitive relationship with God derives from the gift of being made in His image and sharing His inheritance as His child. Many human children are not worthy of their inheritance by their own acts, but it’s theirs regardless, just by reason of their being the children. In Christian Mysticism, union with God is related to Jesus, the definitive child of God, who showed how that relationship works between man and God. Through Jesus God has given us the promise of a personal relationship with Him; one we can experience here on Earth, as sinful as this world is. Before, God was an object of real fear. In Jesus God is telling us all that He wants to be thought of in love; not fear. When for instance the disciples were talking to Jesus they were really talking to God. As often as Jesus told them this, I have to wonder if they ever really grasped the reality of it. I know we don’t grasp the reality of this today either, because, more often than not, communication with God is condemned as a delusional heresy. What Mysticism, and here I mean of course devotional Mysticism, says to us is that God wants and initiates a unitive relationship with us, and what God wants should be what we want. How is it possible for experts on Jesus to miss this whole point?

3/21/08 Insights from Study            We have all crucified Jesus. When I think of Christ on the cross I remember that it’s God I’m looking at – I’m looking at what my sin does to God. How I’ve turned my back on my creator who loves me! Why have I done this when I really don’t want to hurt God? Because when man turned from God to take over for himself, self-preservation became all he had left in order to survive. Self-preservation is a good thing, but man’s tendency is to want more than what he has, even when what he has is sufficient. Our sins all derive from that first experiment of freedom from God; from that point drawing closer to God has been the only way to combat sin. We are given every opportunity and all help to succeed in this. I want to accept this right-relationship with God – I want to stop crucifying Jesus, and I want as much compassion for all the children of God that Jesus had when He died for them.