The Light in the Woods

1/31/10 Reflections          I’ve been thinking a lot about the children’s ward lately — about how it tested my faith in God’s mercy plan, and how it returned me to my faith tenfold over the years through the deep peace of supernatural insight.

While visiting my brother, who was bedridden with multiple sclerosis and in a nursing home, it was necessary for my other brother and I to go to the office on some business. The home was doing some renovations, which made us have to detour through the children’s ward to get to the office. As we were admitted we were told walk straight through, not to interact, and to make as little as noise as possible so as to not disturb the children.

What I saw in the children’s ward is almost beyond description. There were small misshapen bodies in all sorts of contortions; blank expressions on faces that didn’t look like humanity so much as things closeted away until no longer needing care. Their beds or wheelchairs lined both sides of the hallway — as we walked the gauntlet of unspeakable aberrations, in the midst of what the coldest-hearted human would call insufferable, there wasn’t any noise; just the silence of tolerated existence.

When we finally got through the opposite doorway, I told my brother this was a real test of my faith, which depends on the love of God for all His creation. It did one thing, though – it caused me to keep coming back to reflect on what little I know of God’s reasoning, and how I can only believe that what He does He does for our good. Then slowly the lesson of the children’s ward was taught to me within my spirit, and has given me a deeper, more peaceful intuition of the working of God’s love than I think I could have ever had without the experience.

I see now that we cannot care for each other properly. No matter how dire the circumstances and how tirelessly we work for our fellow human beings, we cannot give them what they truly need. Only God can do that. The most dedicated nurse on the children’s ward can only comfort the bodies of the children, and help them remain emotionally neutral.

Their bodies may be decimated, but who knows what they’re seeing inside? Only God can offer that comfort, and somehow I’ve come away with complete assurance that He does. Behind those distorted shells, could the children be experiencing the golden glowing joy of God’s perfect love as do those who have already passed on into His kingdom? If real meaning only exists in another world where God is the only god and our spirits gather Him fully and ecstatically, could those that are physically dependent and mentally unencumbered with worldly priorities be blessed with heavenly bliss here on Earth and unable to tell of it?

In fact, I’ve come into the knowledge that those children are experiencing the beauty of God the way God meant humans to experience Him — how we all would if our minds and bodies were disabled and given over solely to God’s care. In this condition of having nothing else, we enjoy the one thing we do have, unconditionally and without fail — the love of God.

Mystics are able to see the logic of their detachment from the world and negations of self-interest. To them the loss of selfhood is not debilitation so much as essential to experiencing something much better and closer to God’s desires. And those who study the Bible know well the scriptural plea for decreasing so they may increase, giving up all they have and following, taking no scrip for the journey, becoming like little children, the last being first, choosing the good part, letting them deny themselves, taking up the cross, losing their life for God’s sake, having their treasure in heaven, being poor in spirit, crying in the wilderness, the stone the builders rejected, casting in all they had, taking the lowest seat at the feast, seeking the kingdom of God, and entering at the narrow gate.

God should like us to be what we were at creation, before free-will and the sin and suffering that comes from it. For truth, that’s the state He has planned for us to return to in glory. Now, in the world, the independence we asked for has become a thing of strife. The only way to alleviate it is to allow ourselves to become totally dependent on God again so we may look upon His kingdom with joy and hope.

In the children’s ward this has been done for them and they live in the perfect presence of God without effort. Only those who give too much credence to the world and how we perceive it will miss completely what I missed momentarily – that the only thing that matters is the love of God, and whatever state we are in that we can perceive this love the most is the best state to be in. In the measure that we can’t assimilate this, we suffer from our lack of perception. That, then, is true and needless suffering.

I’m not suggesting that those who take care of the residents of the children’s ward don’t provide a heroic service – the need for care of these children’s bodies and emotions is enormous, and I hope for the caregivers’ sake that part of their compensation is the feeling of being blessed to be near these special temples of God’s love. But I am confident that God makes up for suffering by opening up the spirit to supernatural consolation. And this, being the better part, is what God encourages for all of us by our offering of our very selves to Him — a disabling of the ego so as to make His love our spiritual sustenance.

Mystic vision is not apparitions caught by our human senses. Mystic vision is the ability to see things as God sees them; a gift given because we want it badly and allow it freely. Through mystic vision we are able to “know properly” — not the things of this world but the reality of this world as seen from a higher plane. This is a comfort not only to the residents of the children’s ward, but to anyone who can learn exactly what it is they are experiencing. What we can know of God comes down to one necessary specific – that when we seek God we see Him, because that’s what we were made for. And when we see Him we know at once that no matter who we are, or how we look, or what we have or don’t have, without His love we would be nothing and with His love we are everything.

1/28/10 Insights from Study                  To demonstrate the goodness of God everyday, we live expressively, showing by our very being that when we are with God we shine as dew, and when we are feeling away from God we are cold, dead sticks. We don’t have to be holy to passively instruct our neighbors – they also can pick up on the ramifications of the absence of God through our restless evil and misfortune. One way or another we demonstrate the presence of God, either by our welcoming of it or by our rejection of it.

But if you want to calm your demeanor, empty your spirit of all that isn’t God to make room for His peace. You can do this in mere seconds by the deliberate giving over of your self to God in prayer. Let Him know you want to be a good influence on those around you. God can always use workers to lead through their good example, as there is no shortage of those who lead us into temptation.

 1/23/10 Insights from Prayer                      I just thought – there isn’t one person in the whole world who doesn’t have a problem, large or small, at the moment, and who couldn’t use a prayer, like it or not, from me. There are billions of us, going about with our own thoughts and fears and sins and doubts. I wish that each time I’m taken to prayer I could have one person to concentrate on – what a prayer that would be!

I was just praying for a specific friend with a specific problem at this very moment of need. Thanks to instant messaging my prayer is in the present – what a miracle that is! A message has traveled to me by satellite that a prayer is needed, and so I pray while I wait to find out if this friend is OK.

Our God is great Who cares about each of us and watches over every one of us as if there were no one else in the world for Him to love. And He is wise to let me know the scope of humanity and human need which He attends to without fail. I’m blessed to feel welcomed into partnership with Him in this.

1/23/10 Insights from Prayer         Faith is how God operates. Don’t argue with me about God when your argument is against my dependence on faith itself. Without faith you can neither describe nor deny what God is to you. And with faith, your need to argue should disappear.

1/19/10 Inspirations             The more I experience God the more I would need to know in order to do Him justice. I can’t explain the unexplainable, yet this is exactly what a believer is expected to do. This is a world where all you have to do is show skepticism and you appear to have wisdom. But those who have wisdom of Reality — that is, a world more attuned to the Creator than to what He has created – tend to remain silent and waiting.

The first thing you learn when you become truly enlightened is that there is a God and He is in control. You may object to feeling like a pawn in a chess game, but if you do you’re reacting with your ego whereas God is dealing with your spirit. To be spiritual is to be fully free; to accept God’s control so that you may exercise your free will from within the condition that truly responds to human free will — God’s desire to show love and be loved.

This cosmic consciousness is the key to true joy and deep peace. To a humanist happiness for all is a noble cause; to a mystic it is an inheritance from God. It takes acknowledgment of divine control to attain real peace; it will not come about through human desire for it to be so. But our free will can be used to accept recognition of God as Creator and to guide our actions toward working from within God’s master plan.

This master plan cannot be known except generally – the specifics are left to the mind of God, which we cannot probe deeply enough for now. But this is how creation works best; with enough mystery to encourage our participation in God’s plan, and enough knowledge to accept the wisdom of its Creator without question.

As each individual is blessed with mystic perception the fire spreads even more quickly. One day all will grow to abandon ego and embrace spirit – at this point the world can end at last, and we may all awaken into true life of perfect joy in the full presence of God.

1/17/10 Insights from Prayer               If you often start to question what you think you believe of life, that’s not a cause of despair but of celebration. For at least a few moments you have lifted your eyes from the inane preoccupation of whatever feeds your ego, and placed them squarely upon a place where they might at last truly see.

When you ponder what you think of God and His works, you could test your beliefs this way: Think of all the alternate possibilities in life and see if what you believe of God can hold true when looked at from a wholly different perspective.

Alien lifeforms, other universes, altered mind-states, past lives, lost worlds – if your idea of God can exist steadfast no matter how creation can be envisioned, then truly He is the master planner.

I don’t know what this means; I’m just writing down what was given to me.

1/13/10 Reflections          I was busy with my own concerns when this earthquake hit – by the time I knew of it many were already dead. It’s been on my mind all day, but as I go about doing what I do, it occurs to me many more are in the process of dying. And many are trapped and know that soon they will die. Then there are those who are healthy but grieving, and those who don’t even know if they should be grieving.

It seems like this country has been poor forever; I have felt compassion for these people for as long as I’ve been aware of world affairs. As a freshman at university I remember my Historical Geography teacher asking each of us where in the world we might like to go. When it was my turn I said I wanted to go to Haiti and help the people there. My teacher smiled and asked if I knew anything about Voodoo. I said not too much, but I could speak some French – meaning I might be able to empathize that way. Some kid in the class sneeringly said “Jeez, she thinks Voodoo is a language!”

Those days were full of intimations that God was directing me toward something even though I wasn’t very friendly with God at the time. These days I live for loving God and there still is this feeling of being designed to help somehow, but it seems for missionary work I would be a liability now that I’m too old and everything hurts. Back when I was young and could have gone, I didn’t take the hint. Now I get it, but I’m over the hill. Still, I wish I could go and be of service to a people who are not only economically destitute, but have been footballs in a deadly political game for so long. And victims of disaster after disaster.

It’s easy for me to say, here in my comfort and safety, but I have to pray that Haiti’s latest disaster is the one that turns things around for those poor people. They are deserving of a miracle, and my other prayer is that this brings them closer to God, not further away. Only God can bring that miracle about. But I hope there are many compassionate donors of time and money who can pave the way and work with Him.

1/9/10 Insights from Study                Ironically, it’s probable that all religion would be acceptable to all believers if there was no such thing as the holy scriptures.  Imagine religion if it resembled spirituality, where all we need for instruction is direct communications from God. Scriptures plant seeds of belief in us – preordaining us toward the Source – the God who wants to be made known through them. But in each case, the source and the authors have different styles and different goals. Scriptures may be inspired by the Creator, but they are written by man, and worse, manipulated by those with certain agendas.

That’s why we can all profess to worship the one God but don’t recognize the God of other religions, and feel uncomfortable because of it. We see good people worshiping a God Who historically demands the conversion of those who read a different scripture and we wonder. If God is the same God for everyone – and many of us instinctively feel there is one God and one Creator – could it be scripture that is poisoning us against each other?

You can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” and yet still hold your own scriptures close to your heart, just as someone else can halfway around the world. How is this possible? Because there are people who use scripture to seek God’s inspiration behind the words, and those who use the words to hit others over the head.  That’s why there are Christians who are beacons of hope in the dark, and those who are glaring lightbulbs over an interrogation chair. That’s why there are Muslims confident that theirs is a religion of peace, and those who want to reign destruction on everyone who isn’t like them. That’s why there are Jews who are so beaten down by the need to follow strict ritual that they have no time for love of God’s children, who should be benefiting from God’s laws.

But how would we know God if not for scripture? The same way God can be known in cultures which have no written word. God has written on our hearts everything we need to know. When we seek truth by looking into our own conscience, we find God ready and willing to dispense His knowledge and grace. Knowledge and grace directly from God – it’s never deceptive, never wrong, never misleading or prone to misinterpretation. It’s what we as humans do to His word after it’s given that sets us up for spiritual failure and fight.

When asked for sincerely, God’s insight is given – given abundantly and with great joyfulness. When insight is written down, it should not need interpretation – it means something to the person who got the guidance in the first place, and it means whatever God wants another to get out of it when it’s read. No human intervention is needed, or else God’s inspirations become dogma that needs to be defended.

We don’t have to be slaves to scripture.  Scripture is not meant to be a handbook for hate, or for intolerance. When it is used that way there is blasphemy against God’s intentions. But use scripture to guide you in asking for God’s personal communication to you through it, and you are praying the prayer that God loves. You can pray this way through any writing that touches you spiritually. You can find through the experience of others what God wants to teach you personally. This is a logical use of inspiration the way God intends. Always remember your personal place in God’s affections and His desire for you to experience Him. And when you pass along these inspirations, try to do it with love, tolerance, and compassion; not the heat of self-righteousness. God might not have the same message for others through this channel as He does for You. We are better off to leave it to Him to do the teaching.

We should be sharing beliefs; not demanding them. If there is only one Creator, one truth, one master plan, one reality, one eternity – there is an infinite number of ways God’s lessons can be taught. Don’t ever limit God to your capabilities. Put your capabilities before God for His instruction and shut up long enough to hear them. Then live this insight humbly and obediently, and God will surely not steer you wrong.

1/7/09 Insights from Study         More than one of today’s devotionals touches upon an attribute of mine that puzzles me. I often need God’s assurance on something that has been in the back of my mind for as long as I can remember. I hate to say it out loud because it sounds like a delusion of grandeur, even though no feeling of pride actually comes with it at all. But I have felt since I was a child that I have a special mission for God and I have been waiting rather obliviously for His “go-ahead”.

I don’t usually dwell on this, trying to figure out intellectually what I know can only come to me inspirationally, but it is ever there in quiet expectation. Whatever it is I am to do, I must not be ready for it as yet. I feel like I’m actively being prepared but there’s no clue as to the progress in what I’m being prepared for. It’s as if God hides my purpose so I don’t waste my effort in bumbling attempts to gear myself toward the work.

This call for patience isn’t a cause of anxiety – in fact this unknowing brings me a certain calm because I know the answer will come surely and supernaturally. All responsibility lies in the hands of the Creator, who not only treats me with love but is also very good at setting right things into place. But I’m sixty years old – sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I could have somehow missed the ship. Yet if that were so, why would I have this feeling of preparation?

Anyway, today’s theme seems to be that I will not be going anywhere on my mission; that I will be sought out right where I am. That makes sense in two ways. First is that as the years go by my odd distaste for leaving home for any reason gets stronger and more apparent. Second, I live in a place steeped in spirituality, where the presence of God can call to a person mystically, forcefully, and somewhat continuously. Today I read reminders that this narrow path I take is that way for a reason. Maybe as I record what comes to me in God’s presence I am already affecting His plans in ways I don’t even recognize. I may die tomorrow and find my mission is already done. Stay home and love God – easy for me and what I’d choose to do anyway. God hasn’t matched my job to my temperament; He’s given me the mission and matched me with the temperament I need to accomplish it.

1/5/10 Insights from Study            Yes, God created evil, but to Him it isn’t evil. We have come to see it so, but to God all of His creation is goodness. We are not God, and we see things through human perspective; not divine. We wouldn’t think of calling medicine evil because of its bitter taste, but when it comes to God we expect Him to arbitrate justice without pointing out sin. We expect God to extend His mercy without our having to concede we were wrong. We want His peace without admitting we brought about the conflict. We blame God for what we see as evil, but want Him to overlook consequences of sin, which is something of our own making. How is it we can choose to turn our backs on God, then turn around and blame Him for not preventing us from making a mess of things?

Earthquakes are not evil — they are a natural part of Earth’s regeneration process. When one swallows a car with your loved ones in it, an earthquake appears quite evil to you. But the earthquake did not sin against you, and God is not evil for not having prevented the deaths. If a hungry bear attacks your child, it isn’t because it is evil, nor is God remiss in creating the bear’s need to feed.

Only human beings can perceive God’s created things as evil, because only human beings can create sin out of good and accrue the consequences of their actions. It isn’t that evil is doled out to us as punishment in proportion to our sins so much as it’s that we are simply seeing life as a condition of imperfection. We “know” things as evil because we are used to ordering matters to our own specifications, and often they don’t co-operate.

We insist on exercising our free will and God allows that even when we harm ourselves by it. Unless we are mystics, we would not be willing to give up our free wills, even when we know we often use them with harmful results. Unless we are spiritually enlightened, we are unaware of all the cases where God has in fact intervened to save us. We are just as unaware of this as we are unaware of His reasons for permitting us to witness evil. Opportunity, correction, guidance, education, conversion, grace – all good things can appear to us as evil when directed by God’s hand, because we do not understand divine intellect. We cannot assimilate the intensity of God’s love for us and the steps He takes because of this love.

This is why mystics are always encouraging a person’s abandonment of will. It’s saying this: “I’m not divine and can only haltingly absorb divine reasoning. But if I make a point of accepting God’s will as good, no matter whether it seems to me to be loving or evil, I will certainly be at peace knowing my way won’t be wrong. If I unite my desires to God’s, even if I don’t understand them, I’m confident that I’m doing God’s will and showing Him love. And if I do this sincerely, humbly, and obediently, I will be shown by insight what I need to know, and be given the means to do what I need to do. When I am in sync with God all decisions are God’s, even the ones He has subjected to my free will.”

In this desire for union with God we’ll not only have assurance of following the path our Creator means for us to follow, but also we will have a more proper perception of the worldly, temporary nature of suffering and evil.