The Light in the Woods

 

#17 – THE LIGHT IN THE WOODS – DECEMBER 2006

 

© Aubri Dennison 2006

 

12/1/06 Insights from Prayer        You have brought us another beautiful day, a day in which sinners will be loved and forgiven — all of us in our own measure. Please help me not to judge others, but to want for them Your blessings that mean so much to me. May each person in the world today feel Your loving presence, and may I have the privilege of being a means to that end, if even in a small way.

 

12/2/06 Presentations           Last night my computer started to crash, which is a big thing when you don’t have a phone to call technical support. Even though my reaction to this crisis was a big improvement (two years ago I would have been tempted to throw the computer through the window) there’s no doubt I went to bed worried, confused, and frustrated. I didn’t want to say my evening prayers, not to “punish” God for allowing me trouble, but because I hadn’t yet sorted my feelings out and couldn’t do Him justice. Immediately I got the “spirit tug” and I thought “Not now, God!” As soon as I thought this I realized how utterly human that was, and all of a sudden the whole thing was laugh-out-loud funny. My prayer last night turned out to be one of thanks for God’s gift of seeing humor in the absurd.

 

12/4/06 Insights from Study            Every time I think I’m coming along pretty well spiritually, I should re-read St. John of the Cross’ Dark Night of the Soul. Here he outlines the seven deadly sins and explains how they show themselves, not in bad people, but in people who are trying to be spiritual creatures. There is also spiritual sin, the sins committed by those who are trying to be spiritual and sin because of it – spiritual pride, spiritual gluttony, spiritual lust, spiritual envy, spiritual greed, spiritual sloth, spiritual anger; trying to be spiritual can actually introduce a new class of sin. I’m constantly letting myself down in this area, and until I get ahold of this I won’t progress to the level of love I desire.

 

12/4/06 Reflections                When we’re beginners in Mysticism, it’s important to distinguish between intellectual reasoning and supernatural insight. We want to know which ideas are ours and which are purely gifts from God, so as to protect ourselves against deception by the devil. Deception or inspiration – many critics would say we can’t tell. But if you can’t tell, what’s the point of even thinking of God at all? Should we just give up? As we mature spiritually we realize that since we’ve given God our free wills, even our intellectual reasoning is inspired by God, and therefore free from self-deception or work of evil, unless of course, God does not, for His own reasons, interfere with evil, in which case it is still a work of God’s inspiration. Fundamentalists believe this very thing about the authors of the Bible, but don’t extend the process into the present days. Instead, they now rely on interpretation, not inspiration, to apply doctrine. But why would God suddenly withdraw all inspiration from human beings, just at a time when the Messiah had come and it was imperative that the world recognize it? How arrogant of man to define where God’s inspiration stops and His authority is finalized. How unproductive to say that God’s inspiration ever stops.

12/4/06 Reflection               I’m thinking of alternating days of feast and fast for a continuous abandonment of thought about what, when and how to eat. In feast it doesn’t matter because there’s no thought of regulation, and in fast it doesn’t matter because there’s no choice. When food, the enjoying of it or the regulations of it, no longer matters, it won’t come before thoughts of God. I would like to accept God’s will for how my body should function, because my own will is so weak. I think this could apply to just about any addiction. What’s hard to take is the thought that maybe I’m having so much trouble losing weight because God wants me overweight; for His own reasons He may not want my success in looking normal.  Maybe looking different is good for my ministry.  It is a good stretch of patience for me to accept that this may be true.

 

12/7/06 Insights from Prayer         Nothing is right suddenly. I feel as dead inside as I ever have. What makes me think I can inspire hope in others? This morning in the cold wind and blowing snow I had to open my window wide to listen to a pack of wolves howling across the bay. After about an hour of off-and-on vocalizing, one wolf passed from the point just outside my window to the narrows at the end of the island, stopping once right in front of my window to give out a small yip before moving on slowly. In my spiritual lightness I would have been ecstatic in the uplifting of my spirit. But today, this nod from God was no elation, but a confirmation that I’ll possibly bring no more good to the world than that wolf. Today in my depression I think – at least the wolf is honest about it.

 

12/8/06 Presentations                 I’ve been having endless frustration and a lot of unbelievable “co-incidental” glitches with my computer that make me think that these are God-given trials to show me my wrong-mindedness or my shortcomings in my striving to be His servant and to do a good job of it. When things pile up on you like that you tend to think the worst. Whatever the reason, through the trails one word kept coming back to me, very clearly, and it was not something I would have dreamed up because I know very little about computers. Because of this I had no way to apply it. But the word “security” nagged me so much I started putting it into help searches and troubleshooting programs. This went on for a week, three or four hours a day, trying to get it to run right. Now it’s all a blur, the things I tried and which failed to get the desired results. Of course you know the end of the story. When I finally did blunder upon the real problem it was simple, it was easily fixed, and it involved “security”, and the solution came about when God was good and ready for it to come about. But it taught me one thing – I will always be glad when I’m given trials that I use God as my anchor and never lose my trust in Him to either fix the problem or make it irrelevant to me.

 

 

12/9/06 Insights from Study             Next time you go out to look at the stars, you’ll do what we all do – you’ll find comfort in that the universe is so vast and so dynamic that your troubles seem minuscule and familiar by comparison. But here’s another reason for taking comfort in the stars – their Creator is our Creator too. He has numbered the stars and named each one, and if He can run the workings of each star out of the billions He made and still have total attention for your problems, maybe leaving your problems in His care is the best solution to them.

 

12/10/06 Presentations               Way back when I was in grade school, at a time when foreign languages weren’t taught in school, I started to learn French from a private tutor. I had no real reason to, except it was something my mother wanted so I did it. In 1970-71 during college I took a political geography course and an historical geography course from the same professor, and developed an extreme interest in Haiti. This morning during my Sabbath morning prayers, I asked God to let me know if I wasn’t doing enough to help others, and told him though I’m getting old and arthritic I would still go where I was needed if He didn’t think I’d be a burden on everyone else. I thought then of Haiti for the first time in years, because I could speak the language and long ago I had an interest I never could explain in this country. Later this morning, I actually heard the word Haiti for the first time in years – it was a wonderful piece about how Wyclef Jean was working to bring Haitians up out of their poverty. As I’ve said elsewhere, I don’t believe co-incidence is a co-incidence.

 

12/14/06 Insights from Prayer          Without divine intercession, no one instantly goes from paying no attention to their spiritual life to thinking about God all day long. And I know me – on my own I would never stick with a project for two months, let alone two years. I know myself so well — I get so excited about an idea and then soon drop it in favor of something entirely different. This isn’t that; this isn’t me – this is God.

 

12/20/06 Insights from Prayer           The love of God and your response to it is the treasure you can have no matter who you are or what your situation is. You don’t concern yourself over how much another person has – it’s the only thing that is so immeasurably abundant that you can never feel cheated. Your enemies are powerless to take it away from you. You won’t be graded on the quality of the love God has for you — it is perfect in every case. You don’t have to ask for it — you were created already owning it. So it’s abundant and every one has it — how valuable could it be? Well, when you release yourself from the bounds of human ways of measuring and evaluating, you are free to realize its worth. Think about it –out of all the creation you see and the creation you can only imagine, the supreme, divine creator looks about and personally renews for you this valuable gift, no strings attached, every moment of every day. God looks on you with love; don’t throw this gift in the garbage and go looking for something better — you won’t find it.

 

12/20/06 Reflections            Why does God want me, imperfect as I am, as a conduit for His plans? Because the call of His love needs to go out to humans, who are comfortable only when they’re absorbing revelation with their bodily faculties. Should He appear miraculously without regard to these limitations, it would bring about only fear without understanding. I think God picks out a very few to absorb revelation with the spirit instead of the senses, then sends them out with the word. I think this is how the Bible was written — better the Bible than something like Moses coming down from the mountain with stone tablets. That was the old covenant; this is the new. I don’t believe it stops with the Bible. But revelation must still come via the Holy Spirit and rest inside where human machinations can’t touch it. To be transferred from spirit to spirit, both sides must be in the mood to “get it”, and for this God prepares the spirit quietly. This is the real miracle, and one which doesn’t intimidate us and make us obedient out of fear instead of love and respect. When you once recognize this miracle of spiritual intuition, you begin to recognize the other works of God in the world, and the “big miracle” isn’t necessary. I’m afraid that there isn’t enough of this awareness in the world, but if I’m to be a teaching tool through God’s inspiration, then any success at all is a big step in my own adoration of the Creator and His works.

 

12/23/06 Insights from Study        I think what Jesus wants for his birthday is for us to accept his gift to us; the giving for which He was born, and to pass it on with the love in which it was given.

 

12/23/06 Presentations          Tonight during my prayers I asked for help on a technical problem I was having with the website God and I are creating. In the course of the prayer I told God what I was having trouble with (as if He didn’t already know) and instantly, as soon as I got the words out, the answer came to me. It wasn’t my answer, as I was totally clueless. This is the first time I can ever remember an instant answer to a direct question to God. And it was clear and final, because the question and the answer were technical — no gray areas. I thank God for the affirmation of this project, because if He approved and didn’t let me know it would be indistinguishable from His not approving. I have great faith, but not in myself.

 

12/24/06 Insights from Prayer            You interrupted my morning prayers with the sight of four wolves passing by on the ice. I see you, Lord, and through all things I know You see me. The world needs changing back to Your favor; I know I won’t change the world, but I may inspire someone who will, or who will inspire someone who will. It doesn’t matter what You want me to do; if I’m doing it willingly, then it will be enough.

 

12/25/06 Reflections                  I feel ignorant – I have no stick-to-itiveness; I’m a shrinking violet who makes no impact on anybody. I have serious faults and emotional disconnectivity. I’m the most ineffective person God could have chosen to carry out what He wants to do. But, oh, I’m so glad He chose me, because after all is said and done, my shortcomings don’t hold God back in the slightest. In fact, knowing my faults as I do, I see the contrast and the wonder in the relationship with God that Jesus’ life and death made possible. This is the gift that inspires the gift-giving among us at Christmas, not so much in the spirit of birthday gifts, but in the knowledge that Jesus was the most generous gift ever given, and the day we celebrate His birth is a good time to remember this.

 

12/26/06 Insights from Prayer            Now Muslims are killing Muslims and as always, children are getting caught up in the middle of it. None of that stuff is about religion — its about power, and even if you arm yourself with the same religion as your enemy, the one who wants power the most badly must be the one to win. Don’t they know that all power comes from God? During morning prayers it came to me that free societies are a threat to radical Muslims because free people may choose Christianity. They do not want anyone to have that choice, and so power must be gained and wielded; Christianity must become unavailable to all. Africa is the most horrendous example. Lord, we can’t stop the killing without killing, so we must do nothing. You have told us to help the oppressed; please show us how to succeed in this without breaking your commandments. I know all things are possible with you.

 

12/29/06 Insights from Study            Do I dare call myself special? In my heart I know I am, and in the times when it’s just God and me I know even though nothing is really changed, it now becomes spiritual pride to say so. I don’t have to keep reminding God that it’s His work and not mine that makes me special, but my fellow human beings don’t see this without being told. Between God and me, spiritual pride is a manifestation of my trust and gratitude; outside that realm it’s a deadly sin of arrogance. It’s the “holier than thou” attitude that turns people away when the idea is to bring them into that joy. Human beings don’t understand the motive of giving to strangers when they are the recipient — the natural first-feeling is that they must be seen by the giver as in a lower state, but the fact is we are all in a lower state. Because what I do is really done by God, it’s OK for you to allow me into your heart. I want you for God, not for myself. I want you to become one of God’s special messengers too, to pass along the promise of His grace to your own seekers. If you appear special to them they will take their cue from you, and God will take over from there. In this community we are all lower than God, but we are all special to Him too.

 

12/31/06 Insights from Study          People who insist on a literal Bible interpretation can ruin centuries of Christian proliferation at a time when we need to be welcoming newcomers; not scaring them away. Sabbath regulations are a good case in point. Exodus 35:3 says very clearly “you shall kindle no fire throughout your habitations upon the Sabbath day”. You might be able to get away with that in the Sinai desert, but where I live, to obey that law is suicide, which is also against God’s law itself. Another example is the armies annihilated when they would not fight when attacked on the Sabbath. If the Bible tells us anything it’s that we need discretion, or we become like the Pharisees in the days of Jesus. We should rather listen to the laws of our hearts and the message of Jesus – the Sabbath was for man and not man for the Sabbath. Like obedience and humility, the Sabbath is not a punishment; it’s a privilege and a gift. We keep insisting on measuring our devotion by the quantity of our voluntary suffering. But while we may suffer, the proper response is not to exalt ourselves but to humble ourselves in gratitude for the help God gives us through our trials. The Sabbath, then, is for the glory of God — that’s Christ’s Bible interpretation, and that’s good enough for me. Jesus spent much time trying to correct fundamentalists to the way in which God wanted them to go. I figure any way in which the Holy Spirit wishes to instruct us today is acceptable biblically.

 

12/31/06 Insights from Study          The more I read some parts of the Old Testament the less meaning they have for me unless I imbue them with a more ethereal interpretation. Could this have been what Jesus felt when He understood scripture but had to explain it to the people of His day – including the holy men who should know? Some parts of the Old Testament don’t need interpretation, but they need the patience of Job. Today I have been reading the lengthy description of how the Jews in Exodus had to make the tabernacle and its trappings to the exact specifications, with all the jewels and gold and fine fabrics and woods. Today we say God wants us to abandon the riches of the world if we want to worship Him. How did we get here from there? To those people, God was giving them the guidance they needed in a way they could understand. He does the same for us today, but we look at things differently now because we look at God through the window of Christ. Our vision is different, so the lesson is different. In the same way I see Christ’s title “Son of God” in the sense that we understand the human relationship of father/son much easier than the reality of God’s being able to manifest Himself in both heaven and earth. God teaches us in a manner we can handle – this is why I’m uncomfortable when we isolate a line of scripture to use that is better off being seen connected with the surrounding text. Especially when dealing with those who aren’t Bible scholars, and those are the ones we’re trying after all to reach, I think it’s better to teach the overall message of the Bible than to quote isolated verses. Unless of course they are self-explanatory– some of the beautiful, easily-understood pieces of scripture should of course be used. But much of the Bible needs background in order to be understood, so it seems to me that if the Bible is presented loosely it will gain more converts, who will surely want to explore it in more depth and will be ready to understand it.

 

12/31/06 Insights from Study          It occurs to me that devout Muslims have more to fear from radical Muslims than from any other influence. Radical Muslims are those who say “Lord, Lord” but don’t do the will of the father. For how can the will of the father be man’s suicide and genocide? Godly people know in their hearts these things are wrong; those who do them are not godly. All good people know that it’s love of God that God wants; a love borne with our blessing out of our free will. The way to intercede for those who don’t have that is to pray for them. God is working in His own way, His perfect way, to bring men back to Him. He does this with or without man’s help. What He doesn’t need is the interference of those who think they are better equipped than God to bring this about. All you have to do is compare Christ’s methods to the extremist’s methods to know the way that matches your own heart. Stay home and pray for yourselves and for others – no Christian is preventing you from doing that. Christ’s message is for each and for all. It’s the extremists of your own religion who are interfering with individual relationship with God, yours and everyone else’s. Do not support this. Do not ignore this. Pray to God for guidance and follow through with what you hear in your heart from Him.