The Light in the Woods

 

#19 – THE LIGHT IN THE WOODS – FEBRUARY 2007

 

© Aubri Dennison 2007

 

2/1/07 Insights from Prayer           No matter what my enemies do, I shouldn’t take it personally because they’re instruments of God and God is good. Before Pilate, the Jews stirred the people to demand Jesus’ crucifixion. When Pilate washed his hands of the responsibility the multitude assure him they would welcome the responsibility, saying: “His blood be on us and on our children.” But Jesus wasn’t being crucified because Pilate ordered it, or the Jews ordered it, or the multitude ordered it. Jesus was crucified because it was necessary for God’s plan. I want to take heart, and I’ve seen it many times, that things that seem to be bad for me turn out to spur me on to a better way. It isn’t just in things I have control over, in which case I chalk it up to just me embroiling myself in a stupid idea and finally realizing the better course. But it happens too that the things I have no control over at first seem terrible and then God comes along and there’s a spin on it that I never would have anticipated; one that changes everything for the better. Faith is humility; faith is trust. But faith is also a waiting game, during which our actions should always reflect Jesus’ teachings. If I’m confident I’m doing that, I’m not only doing right, I’m doing right on God’s terms and timeline, avoiding a lot of needless anxiety.

 

2/1/07 Insights from Study           We may have thought that the sins of the father being visited on the children went out with the coming of the new covenant. Then Jesus sends His disciples out to the cities and tells them if they aren’t accepted in a city they should give the city a sign and God’s wrath will visit that place. Were there good and holy people in Sodom and Gomorrah who were peripherally caught up in the destruction? And what about today, when Jesus’ disciples are being evicted from the public arena? Do we all have to suffer because of the acts of a few? If so, I accept that, but the better way would be to spread God’s better way to those ignorant of it right here where we live as well as off in the far corners of the world. It’s not just the poor we need to help, but also the poor in spirit.

 

2/2/07 Insights from Prayer              Are we too, like Jesus, manifestations of God; existing before time and fated to once again exist as God outside of time? Are we divine creatures on par with God because we are pieces of God? In this context, I’m seeing God as a happening instead of a being – the glow of sunlight over the Earth, within which there is no distinction between us and the glow. Except we have put up the screen of sin so we can work our unholy desire outside the glow. This shade isn’t put on us by God – only places where we’ve prevented the glow from reaching. This is pretty radical – I’ve always thought we had a spark of divine nature that must return to perfect, unfathomable divinity in order for us to enter the kingdom of heaven. But the leap from potential perfect divinity to being God Himself is a great leap — one we never take because we see and understand our own filthiness, and because we are conditioned to always have, and need, a higher authority. What if when we can finally see our highest high priest, we see that He has been us all along? Everytime you read the word “God”, think instead “the perfected us” — this is the kind of exercise that puts forth a theory so you can try it out and see where and how it doesn’t “feel right,” Learning by contrast is a major tool in the path to perfection.

 

2/3/07 Insights from Prayer            Sometimes I feel so far from God I wonder what it would be like to be under control of Satan, so I could compare. But even in the worst of dryness there is the overriding sense of “the way I am,” and I am a good person. God forgives sin, but Satan cannot countenance good. We were created good — evil has made some impressive inroads, but good is the default. So Satan can’t afford to play around with innuendo and reverse psychology. Evil is evil and good is good. If the course I’m taking results in good I can be sure God is my inspiration, even in times of dryness.

 

2/3/07 Insights from Prayer             Not that long ago I felt confusion about Islam. I saw all the outward signs of prayer and dedication to God and thought “Wow, I admire that.” But that is exactly what Jesus was warning us about in His dealings with the Pharisees of His time, only today it takes on an even more serious connotation. If you’re praying on the outside and planning evil on the inside, you’re not doing God’s will, no matter how dedicated you are. In the Old Testament God worked through His chosen people to keep His promise to them – this involved an extraordinary amount of killing and destruction. But with Jesus and the new covenant, God can finally present Himself as the loving protector of Jews and Gentiles alike. The ransom of sinfulness has been paid by Jesus; the satisfaction of the old covenant has been carried out. Salvation is assured, eternal life looms ahead, and the things of the world are no longer God’s focus; neither should they be ours. Jews and Muslims, even though they believe in Jesus, are still stuck in the old testament culture of conflict, because they don’t believe Jesus’ life, death and resurrection obliterated the need for separation. The old ways are unnecessary if we would look into our hearts and see what God has put there. If you look and see a demand for bloodshed and genocide, then you’ve not just failed to recognize the benefits of Jesus’ mission, you’ve fallen victim to that of Satan himself. We all need mysticism because in its process we look for the fruits of God’s working in us. In my own life, if I accept goodness as both the ends and the means, I’m sure my will doesn’t conflict with God’s. If everyone in the world today practiced this, what a wonderful world it would be – perfected and ready to be reclaimed by God forever.

 

2/5/07 Insights from Prayer            Today is my anniversary as a non-smoker; I didn’t realize it then, but eight years later I know I couldn’t have done it without God’s help. I was so hopelessly addicted – I had to have had help to go outside my body’s immediate needs for nicotine in order to affect my need to be free of this “thing of the world” that was dominating my spirit. I got this same help last year at this time to overcome my food addiction, but despite enormous success, it didn’t last because the overcoming itself became a “thing of the world” that was dominating my spirit. I need an appetite patch! Something I can put on each day and forget. Dieting and exercise isn’t curing my fixation on food, only constantly reminding me of it. When I go to God for help I intuit that He doesn’t care how I look and doesn’t want me to care either. God wants me to care how my spirit looks – not my body. I love the examination of conscience the Catholic Church teaches – it’s like getting in touch with how our spirits look to God before asking His forgiveness. I do that every day at evening prayer, but I’d like to delve deeper into it; looking at what I should do that I didn’t, instead of asking myself if I did something I shouldn’t do. How does God see me? That’s a good question; and probably the question for all time.

 

2/5/07 Reflections            I think of the Muslim children who are being taught to hate and die in God’s name – what kind of a God do their teachers think God is? It’s so easy to brainwash a four year old because he isn’t old enough to discern the love and goodness that God has written on his heart. By the time he reaches the age of reason, the learned hatred has already been deeply rooted and ready to reinforce. I don’t think there’s much we can do about these Muslim schools of hatred, except pray to almighty God to let His loving presence show through within the children. Only God is more powerful than this evil. We not only need to pray, we need to inspect ourselves to make sure we’re doing what we can to nurture a loving God in ourselves and in our own children. Maybe the next generation of Muslims will see where goodness lies, and rebel, as children will, against the teachings of their elders. I pray for a world where such rebellion is possible.

 

2/8/07 Insights from Study            God told His prophets to eat His words; take them in and digest them so they become a part of them. As food nourishes the body, God’s word nourishes the spirit. Eat His words and get true sustenance.

 

2/9/07 Insights from Study             Don’t be afraid to have someone think because of your mystical nature you’re out of touch with reality. What you are is in touch with reality as God perceives it instead of human reality which can only be defined by human sense. Human reality is a false, incomplete perception, and being out of touch with it is something to be desired. By abandoning it we acquire the perfect reality of God.

 

2/11/07 Inspirations          God didn’t come to Earth as Jesus to establish a kingdom of lands and subjects. He came to invite individuals into an already established kingdom of love. The things of the world were designed to sustain us, not to become idols in themselves. With our perversions, how dare we ask why God permits suffering? Wonder instead why God protects us from the suffering we deserve. We could be setting our sights on the eternal kingdom instead of seeing the things of the world as ends in themselves. In this perfect desire, all else would fall into place in perfect accord with the will of God, and then there would be no trials, so suffering — just as God designed. There are two kinds of people — those who see death as the end to every living thing and so try to enjoy life while they can, and those who see death in this life as birth into a better one, and wait for it in joy and gratitude. Happiness is the goal in both cases, but one kind is lasting happiness and one kind is not. Sort out your desires for yourself, and God will sort out the rest for you.

 

2/16/07 Insights from Prayer           There’s something inside me that gently brings me back when I stray into doubt — that feeling that I’m not doing enough and that what I am doing, I’m doing purely on my own initiative. I’m reminded of my low self-esteem, my wish to not be noticed for good or for bad, and my pervasive assumption that I will not be effective even if someone should inexplicably care about what I do. These emotions have been a part of me for as long as I can remember. But I also remember rare but powerful moments of “revealed grandeur”. I didn’t understand them back then, but now I see these moments as hints at my divinity, provided just when they’d do the most good; designed to teach me of my worth to God even as I plodded along feeling patently unnecessary. But slowly God has helped me distinguish between self-disrespect and self-disregard; between low self-esteem and humility. Why am I comforted by being a loser? Because any good I do must be divinely inspired, and I can slide effortlessly into the role of humble servant that keeps me appropriate for being a spokesman for God. I don’t question the inspirations – they aren’t mine. I don’t second guess the writings – they are God’s words. I don’t fear failure — God is running the show. I will not agonize if nobody hears me; I won’t get all puffed up if somebody does. I’m no longer me – I’m an instrument of God’s design. Yes, I’m human and I can’t be perfectly sure of everything, but even my doubts have a divine purpose. I embrace everything that comes along because I see God and His plan everywhere, and know enough about myself to know it’s better for me to let go.

 

2/18/07 Inspirations             I think God works in mysterious ways so that we don’t become fervent in our missions for His sake. With fervency comes the feeling that it is we who are accomplishing the action instead of the true facilitator — God. It isn’t a matter of who gets the credit – God is above such considerations – but of how inferior is what we do when we do it on our own initiative instead of God’s. I want to be focused, not fervent. I don’t want to run the show – just listen to the director and trust that He knows what’s best.

 

2/23/07 Presentations            Last evening as I was working on the computer I got a glimpse of how God works when He wants me to not say anything. I had found a new discussion thread that fit perfectly into my focus of mysticism; its process and effects. Here was a perfect opportunity to add a post, shed some light, join in on a worthy dialog, and make an acquaintance with some like-minded souls. Normally in a case like this I feel the grace of inspiration fill my heart, and the words flow like crystal water. But last night – worse than a total lack of inspiration, this was an actual prohibition of joining in the discussion, accompanied by a sudden and unfamiliar intellectual collapse to insure I wouldn’t participate. Why? I don’t know. But the effect was so stunning it made me realize that this too is a way in which God is working through me. I don’t know the reason, but that there was a reason is clear. I may find out the reason, but even if I don’t, the clarity of conviction that God is working in me is affirmation that this is the right path for me and God is helping me recognize and accept His ways.

 

2/24/07 Insights from Prayer          You can be fundamental in the sense of “do what’s right without fail” without being fundamental in the sense of “do what I say because I’m right”. In Mysticism a person comes to get in touch with what’s in their conscience and desire to live by it. This sort of “fund” kicks in any time any person comes to the point where they’re tired of sin, deception and guilt, and they ask God to help them return to a right-relationship with Him. It comes so naturally to us, when I think of it I know it’s right and universal.

 

2/25/07 Insights from Study               What is baptism? The state of grace arrived at through acceptance of The Divine Creator and His holy desires. Who can be baptized? Anyone can be baptized. What must one do to be baptized? One must be visited by the Holy Spirit. What can one do to be visited by the Holy Spirit? One must call on God in humility and obedience for the grace to know and to do the right thing. What does baptism get you? The fruits of the Holy Spirit: joy, peace, love, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. What about children too young to reason? The Holy Spirit is in such children by default – only deliberate sin can diminish the effects of His gifts. Why should those who don’t sin be baptized? We are all sinful by nature because we’ve lost our perfect divinity. What about the insane or those in a vegetative state? God has forgiven their sins as well, and His grace resides in them too. Like children, they are filled with the Holy Spirit by default because they can’t reason. Do we need to be baptized to enter heaven? Though it’s a useful affirmation of intent, baptism as a religious ritual isn’t a requirement of God, but baptism as a condition of the spirit is necessary to enter heaven because without it the spirit can’t be perfected, and only perfection is allowed in heaven. How can perfection be a requirement of eternal life with God if perfection is unobtainable on earth? We must finish the purging of sinfulness from our spirits in purgatory after death frees us from the pervasive influence of the world. How long must we stay in purgatory? Time will have no meaning there — it’s a state the intenseness of which depends on the degree of perfection the spirit was in at the time of death. What happens when the spirit is released from purgatory? The purified spirit enters the eternal state of heaven, which is perfect closeness to God, meaning enjoyment of perfect unending love, joy, peace, satisfaction is possible. But hey, if you’d rather love the cool car you’re driving to that sleazy gay bar, who am I to judge?

 

2/25/07 Insights from Study              The little three-legged fox that visits our cabin every day is perfect in God’s eyes because God isn’t concerned with the body, but with the spirit. As a creature with no free will, the fox is perfect in spirit despite it’s physical deformity. Human disability too doesn’t affect God’s relationship with us, but unlike the fox, our trials can affect our relationship with God. The free will given to us makes us higher creatures for having been “made in the image of God” but the trade-off is that free will allows us to choose sin, the thing that robs us of perfection. The trick is to strive for the best of both worlds – use our free will to choose holiness and a right-relationship with God.

 

2/27/07 Reflections           God is the force for good. Some think we have a creator but that He doesn’t interfere on Earth. I don’t believe this way because I see creation going on all the time, and if left up to chaos it would result in more chaos than is evidenced. When I think of all the things that must go right in a developing fetus, it’s amazing that healthy babies are the norm. When I think of all the tortuous upheavals that had to have taken place in order to form and progress our geologic Earth, I think that God must be intervening and tempering nature for our benefit. Some people never think of God at all until a natural disaster happens. To me, natural disasters are natural Earth forces that God has, for reasons of His own, decided not to temper for us. If only we would accept God’s gifts, we could be comforted knowing that when He withholds them it’s also part of His plan and not a cause for worry. Global warming, like everything else, would not exist if God didn’t allow it into His plan, and God is the force for good. The Earth is God’s creation, and though we are given the job to be stewards of it, it’s arrogance to think that we are powerful enough to destroy it if God doesn’t wish it to be destroyed. I never hear God’s name in the matter of the Earth’s climate – before I jump on any bandwagon I want to make sure it’s God that’s driving it; not Al Gore.

 

2/27/07 Inspirations          Last night after hearing discussions covering the Hollywood assertion that a tomb found contains the bones of Jesus and His family, destroying the premise of Christianity and the Resurrection, I got the impression that God was tearful over the rejection of Jesus and His mission. The feeling was very unfamiliar and not at all clear, but it seemed like God was trying to make an impression on me that this should cause sadness in us. Then right after that came an inspiration that was clear: Mysticism transcends religious beliefs in that God loves everyone and is eager to reclaim all of humanity. Mysticism can be practiced without Jesus, but without Jesus we wouldn’t have been given the ability to communicate with God freely and personally in the first place. The plan that allows a personal relationship with the Almighty was put in place by Jesus. It was God’s plan, and there’s no circumventing it. You don’t have to believe in Jesus, but that doesn’t change the fact that He was here no matter what you can do. As God, Jesus should be honored. If you aren’t honoring Jesus you aren’t honoring God. It’s because God wanted to communicate with us that He sent Jesus. I can abandon my will in order to have Godlike desires, but that’s only to gain a chance at Christlike virtues. When I pray, I don’t ask to become God-like – I would never be so bold and would never expect to set myself up for that kind of capability. But I can easily pray to become Christ-like because God set that up for me this way.