The Light in the Woods

12/21/09 Reflections              I seldom watch TV but yesterday evening I wanted to watch while I had my dinner. I flipped through the channels, trying to avoid politics, and came upon a “Caught on Camera” episode that disturbed me deep down inside – even more than politics would have.

A Polish man immigrating to Canada arrived at Vancouver airport. Speaking no English or French, thoroughly confused, and eventually frustrated, he spent nine hours in the airport trying to get on the right track. His mother, who came to meet him, was told he wasn’t on any flights and she had gone home to wait for word. Finally, frustrated and disturbed, the Polish man started acting aggressively. The airport authorities tasered him and tackled him to the floor; somehow in the scuffle the man died, and his mother had to be told. It was horrible to watch.

This is the kind of thing that tests my faith. I understand about suffering, but I’m too human to not be saddened by something that to me didn’t need to happen. In my prayers last night I confronted God: “Now look – nobody was wrong and nobody was 100% right. But it was Your will and everything had to come together just so for this to happen. He was looking forward to a new life here, and ended up dead and disgraced in public. What gives?” And God answered me plain as day: “Why do you assume this man’s continued life on Earth is preferable to his life of glory with Me? He is home now – no longer fearful, disturbed, confused, or frustrated. And yes, it is My will. So what do you plan to learn from it?”

I don’t consider myself a slouch when it comes to learning from God; this is, after all, my life’s focus. But I guess I’ll never understand some lessons perfectly, because I post this in heartache for this poor man’s memory, even though the incident itself and God’s insight about it proves to me that he is in a better place than I am.

8/17/09 Spiritual Presentations             

Thank You, Lord, for answering my prayer and totally taking away from me that agonizing pain. Some would say that my tooth would have eventually stopped hurting even without Your intervention. But You and I know that nothing had happened, except Your loving grace and my prayer to You, that could have severed that exposed nerve from reaching the pain receptors in my brain.

Isn’t that a lot like the mystic idea of perception of reality? Reality is not always what we perceive, like pain, because we do not perceive perfectly, and reality, being reality, is perfection. You, Lord, and Your will for our good, is what reality is, and You have prepared for us a place with no pain and no heartache; free from fear or worry.

You give us glimpses of this perfection to inspire hope in us. We cannot fully experience Your perfection while we go through our trial of Earthly life, but this faulty perception can clear up in small ways if we ask for this in sincere, honoring, prayer to You. And each time perception is cleared up for us through prayer, we release a little more of our doubt and fill the void it leaves with hope.

Prayer leads to hope – this is why mystics communicate with God. Yes, we can receive what we ask for but, more importantly, we receive validation for our hope in eternal life and the part God plays in this Earthly one.

8/4/09 Reflections         I know that all I have is designed for my good by a loving God. I know it and I welcome it, because I don’t care for glory or fame or riches. These things are given by other humans; the God who created me has better gifts than these. Who would best know what I need? Who would care to provide it? And being blessed by the All-powerful, All-present, and All-loving, why would I seek honor among lesser entities?

In my relationship with God I have riches even I can’t imagine yet, and I dedicate all I have to gratitude for God’s graces and to the acceptance of whatever He has designed for me. Of course there are times when I don’t like or understand what God declares, but that’s only because I’m human and imperfect. With God’s help I ignore my doubts, fears, lack of understanding, and shaken faith. I am held up by the Author of Life Himself – how can I fall?

My time is better spent in the silence of His presence than anywhere else imaginable. There you’ll find me because that’s where my peace lies. If I venture out, letting my human weaknesses control me, then I itch to get back, and I learn all over again why I am content in God’s care – if I leave it I’m unhappy. This is my proof and validation; another gift that I can pick up and bring along with me on the path back to God.

4/1/09 Reflections                Every time I try to turn the meaning of intercessory prayer over in my mind, I end up getting more and more confused. This means that I’m definitely using my own selfish reasoning and that God has still not chosen to enlighten me. He enlightens me to do intercessory prayer, but doesn’t let me in on the theology of how it works. It’s something I don’t know and this drives me crazy because I feel like somewhere within intercessory prayer is God’s design for me. I want so much to be a tool in God’s hands, but a tool can’t call out to the carpenter, or an instrument out to the musician.

Do I pray for others so that God will say “Well, if she thinks this person deserves it, I will change my plan in order to accommodate her”?  No, God is unchanging; His plan exists in eternity.

Do I pray for others in order to make a better world? Who is to say the world will be better if I get what I want? It’s all about what God wants, and He doesn’t need me to tell Him what He wants.

Do I pray for others so that they will begin to pray for themselves? There again, if God wanted that He would make it happen without me.

Do I pray for others so I can feel good about myself? No, most of the time I end up feeling like nothing but a usurper of glory.

Although I haven’t experienced the inspiration that affirms what I suspect, I feel I might be moved to pray on the behalf of total strangers because this act is a gift of grace given to me as part of my spiritual development. I pray for others out of obedience to God. There’s no other explanation because none is needed – a gift is a gift and there’s no need to belittle it by questioning the motives of its giver.

My best course is to remember that since we’re all children of God there is no such thing as a total stranger; that what I do for someone else I do for me, and I know it pleases God when I benefit. I’m not my brother’s keeper; I’m my brother. And my brother is me – when I pray for him I’m praying for myself. The more others are seized by an awareness of God’s grace, the more gifted I am. The closer the world gets to the acceptance of divine love and purpose, the sooner the world will no longer be needed and this imperfection can end. When I pray for others, no matter what the outward manifestation of their need, I am actually petitioning for global glorification of God – the state in which we can finally all live with God again the way He created for us.

If I remain confused about how it fits into God’s plan for me to ask for His intervention on behalf of someone else, at least I can keep the big picture in mind, and pray from within the cloud of unknowing just because God asks.

1/5/09 Reflections        How desperately we think we are searching for peace – peace among families, peace among neighbors, peace among nations. We feel this need interiorly, and think “If only . . .” But something intuitive tells us this kind of peace won’t happen because it’s never happened to us before, or it’s come close but always turned out to be conditional.

The trouble is that we’ve been searching for peace with other human beings, when what will actually benefit us most is peace with God. That dream is not only possible, but not even all that hard to achieve. It’s God’s desire as well and backed up by His full power; our contribution is true and faithful desire to match what God wants, whether we understand what this entails or not.

When you are at peace with God, it affects every atom of your being every second of your day. It is your natural state to which you long to return. That’s why it’s offered; not given. God wants you to have a part in the peace process — if it were not that way you would not appreciate the satisfaction of deep peace achieved. We know this is true from the dissatisfaction we feel with everything we use as its substitute.

God’s peace within you doesn’t necessarily solve your problems – those problems are there for His reasons until He no longer wants them there. But inner peace does give you what you need in order to cope with those problems instead of struggling helplessly without guidance.

There’s not much difference between not having a difficulty and not having the difficulty prey upon your peace. Once you feel the full power of God present with you constantly and unfailingly, then you will be able to be effective in seeking peace with others.

12/29/08 Insights from Study          Religious fundamentalists deride mysticism because it says that divine knowledge and grace can be instilled in other authority than just the Bible. Atheists scorn mysticism because anticipating divine infusion into the human spirit is the greatest leap of pure faith possible. The enemy opposites of fundamentalism and atheism can find common ground in the ridicule of mystics in that, with their heads in the clouds, mystics have nothing to offer the real world.

Mystics, who know that the real world doesn’t exist in our temporal realm at all, quietly go about doing what they do — not trying to please or convince their detractors from either side so much as to hope that the peace and joy evident in themselves draws others to want what they have. It is that very intuition of the will of divine reality, so different from what passes for reality here, that elevates mystics above the fray. Nothing we can do will convince the immovable. Fundamentalist exclusivity is just as much a denial of God’s will as atheist pig-headedness is a denial of God’s existence.

The irony is that the open-minded tendency of mysticism is the very thing that allows its faithful to “catch” the favor of divine reality when others are busy belittling the mystic’s experience of God. The double irony is that through their welcoming of communication with God, mystics are far more likely to trigger definitive proof of God than either biblical faith or science. So far only mystics, by definition, are privy to the direct experience of God that would offer inarguable proof to the scoffers on both sides of the God controversy. Yet to mystics there is no controversy and no need to offer a defense.

Mystics know they will not be the ones to enlighten others as they have been enlightened. That is a function of God’s master plan; we will know exactly what God wants us to know, and no more, for our own good. From Moses to St. Paul to Mohammed to Dawkins, no book in the hands of a seeker will enlighten him to the truth without a personal, specific, inspirational visit from the Creator. It is this miracle that introduces a person to reality, and this truth comes from God, not any human being no matter how deeply inspired or object-oriented.

Only God can prove God – He does it all the time in subtle, loving, beautiful ways. If you can see His effects, you’re too far advanced in your relationship with God to need any proof of Him. As for unbelievers, even religious unbelievers, God will provide proof when and how He wishes. Nobody receiving this gift will any longer ridicule the gifted – the great proof will be mystical; all who receive it will be mystics.

11/18/08 Insights from Prayer              How do you know if you’re doing the right thing? Not so much choosing good over bad – those things are written clearly on your conscience. But when you feel God dealing with you so subtly that you aren’t sure you’re hearing right, that’s when you have to place yourself so that He can reach you again. Often the problem is that the world is getting between you and God, and making such a racket that what you need to hear can’t come through. Often the problem is you’re so busy listening to your own input that God’s gets shoved onto the back burner. No matter what the cause, the cure is meditation or contemplation. If God is to be all-important to you, you have to shut out the rest of everything.

God seldom shouts, and often what He does communicate to you isn’t a case of black and white. You may feel God’s inspiration to do something, only to be headed off at every turn from succeeding. Is the devil trying to get in the way of a good thing, or is God telling you the good thing He gave you is being compromised by your own interjection? This is the kind of confusion for which the answer is not instinctive. In this way God forces you to take stock and return to a contemplation of His desires. It’s easy to wander off the path, especially when you confuse God’s counsel with your own or that of the material world.

It’s possible to have your heart in the right place and to be doing what God has designed for you to do, and still be tormented by doubt. That’s because introspection is another of God’s teaching tools. If you suffer from doubt and confusion even though your ministry is clearly inspired, it may be that your method or your focus has strayed and needs tweaking. Doubt indicates there is a gap between your will and God’s – not necessarily a chasm; maybe just a small rift. Your discomfort is a sign for you to step back and consult God. This method of discomfort-learning works for sinner and saints alike – something is wrong no matter what the degree. We must go to God to get back on track – this is purifying and a sign of God’s loving care.

So to offer an answer to the initial question: we know we’re doing the right thing if we have sincerely humbled ourselves to receive God’s will, and experienced peace in the using of His gifts. And if spiritual peace is still not perfect, it’s the sign that you need to return to humble prayer to receive God’s correction. This is the whole point of the trial of doubt – that the return to peace confirms your ongoing need for God’s guidance. The reward of peace keeps you on your path, all to the glory of God.

11/9/08 Insights from Study              Mysticism is often dismissed because the way it affects its subjects is too cumbersome to explain to someone who either has never experienced it or never recognized it as mysticism when it was experienced. In this age and in this culture we like to have everything proven to us, and we default to “If it can’t be proven, it can’t have happened.” It seems reasonable to be skeptical, but much beauty and joy is overlooked because of it.

This very lack of innate understanding is what makes the study of mysticism so rewarding. If you experience supernatural interaction in the first place and then read later that it’s happened to someone else just the same way as it happened to you, it’s like a proof to you even though your relationship with God is such that you have certitude without need of proof anyway.

Probably the most certain thing one could point to in the mystic process is the phenomena of distraction. Much has been said about it but, in short, the law of distraction is that not long after you set out to pray, your own irrelevant and persistent thoughts will interfere with your prayer. I believe this is God’s reminder that prayer is a special blessing that’s worth working to perfect, and that the world desperately tends to intrude against a good thing it didn’t create. Proficients can come close to conquering distraction – this is how they know they’re proficient – but it’s never perfectly avoided on this side of death.

Everyone has spirituality whether they pursue it or not – that’s the way God made us and no one can get away from that no matter how fashionable the anti-God movement gets. The special knowledge of his spirit that a mystic receives through the grace of God keeps him above the fray – he does not argue on behalf of something inarguable. But just once it would be nice to be able to say “Here’s a piece of proof”.

To explain the inexplicable concept of infinity, it was proposed that if an infinite number of monkeys were given infinite time to scribble, eventually they would accidentally write all the great books.  So just this once I will put to you the challenge of being the first person to talk to God (atheists will have to pretend there is one) without experiencing distraction. It’s the closest I can come to for evidence, but even if you don’t accept that explanation, at least it’s a sneaky way to get you to pray.

9/25/08 Inspirations               It’s been bothering me for a long time that since I can somehow see the nature of the God/man relationship so clearly, I don’t separate out Jesus, and so feel left out of Christianity. I very much believe in Christ and I understand well His makeup and His mission – it’s just that I don’t see Him as separate from God the way most Christians do, in practice if not in doctrine. It’s not that everyone else is wrong or that my way of thinking is better – it’s just that I think of Jesus and the Holy Spirit as the work of God’s hands; as something God does for us to make Himself felt in a way we human beings can understand and relate to.

This disparity between my view and that of others was brought home to me quite clearly when I was taking my mom to her flight home; when she would have to deal with putting my dead brother’s affairs in order and reestablishing friendships that may or may not be strained by the specter of death in a community where intimations of mortality stalk the hallways and leap out of doorways without warning.

At the motel on the way she couldn’t sleep, and I stayed up with her trying to pass along to her the sure comfort of God that constantly washes over me. This comfort was not at all sure for her, and my attempts to fix that were inept. I’ve come to find out that I’m terrible at conveying the certitude of the presence of God, because it’s like trying to convince someone else of my own existence. It shouldn’t need explaining and cannot bear explaining – there are no words for it.

The next evening we had a little family reunion, and my mother mentioned her fears of returning to places that would remind her of my brother and the finality of his absence. My other brother’s ex-mother-in-law told my mother: “Just take Jesus with you when you go in.”

Those words were all it took — I’m convinced they are what got my mom through the next day and all the days since. She told me she “took Jesus with her” to those rough places. She doesn’t hide from the memories, but lets Jesus’ strength help her face what needs facing and therefore allow healing.

It was what I was trying to get across in the wee hours of that morning, but I was telling of using God, while what she needed was to use Jesus. Humanly, my mom separates the two unconsciously. It’s like God allowed this awful thing, but Jesus got her through because He Himself experienced horrible things and she could relate better to a sympathetic Jesus than an almighty God who was punishing her with this atrocity.

I can almost see God smiling knowingly at this human attitude. It illustrates His wisdom in presenting Himself as Jesus — God knows how badly we need this. He knows how unable we may feel in relating to Him, and just how to remedy that by offering Himself to us as Jesus.  It’s why we turn to Jesus when we need understanding and cling to the Holy Spirit when we seem unworthy of God Himself. It plays into our human weakness – it’s part of God’s wise plan.  It’s why I believe in Jesus and the Holy Spirit – because it seems exactly the way God would do things. Quietly, effectively; without the distraction of fanfare or human intellect.

Which brings it all back to my role. It seems a logical fit that God would choose to make some people as perfectly comfortable with the relationship of “friends with God” as some people are appalled by the concept. How dare I presume to be friendly with God? Well, I presume because that’s what He has put inside my heart for His purposes; what would be presumptuous would be to spit in His eye and say “No way!”

But mysticism isn’t for everybody, and it’s not something we can pass along to others if they are not ready. The best we can do is be true to ourselves, do not judge other paths or let it bother us to be judged by anyone other than God, and let God show us what He wants us to do; then do it. Our way will not be the same as the next person’s way, but the job will get done all the better for this. It’s all in the plan.

9/22/08 Reflections                     I think we’d be appalled to realize how often we judge God with disapproval. Think about the enormous arrogance required to do this; then think of how easily we can fall into it.

To me, the main problem is that we so often fail to recognize things as being gifts of God. If we don’t see everything as contributing to God’s master plan, that leaves everything open to human judgment. We love to judge – it feeds our self-pride. But every time we do it we fly in the face of the Creator who presented us with life and the means to live it. His judgment is perfect – who are we to override it? Our first thought is to deny we do this, but at some rate we all judge God by what we do.

When God places a child safely in it’s mother’s womb, do you condone getting rid of it for convenience sake? Do you think anyone is qualified to decide which prisoner should be put to death? Do you forget the Creator is powerful enough to adjust the climate of the Earth without our intervention? Do you think it’s within our right to dismiss God’s obvious intention that a sexual relationship be a bond between a male and a female? Are you more pious and compassionate than God when you refuse His gift of meat to eat? Do you ever complain about the weather God has seen fit to send the Earth at your particular place and moment?

This is not to say we should never work with what God has provided so it suits us better or in order to make it more available to us. If we want to live on the coast we need to build levees to keep God’s ocean water away from us. The gift of oil or ore is useless if we don’t remove it from where God put it. And we do not put medical advances away just because they open up ethical questions.

But it’s the human judgment of God’s decisions that needs to be cautioned against. We fall so easily into forgetting who God is. We are unclear as to why He does what He does, so in order to make sense of it, we grab the responsibility away from Him. What a mistake, when God is so infinitely more capable than we could ever imagine.