The Light in the Woods

3/8/10 Insights from Study              I love the Bible parables that remind us that when we have everything there is to have, we don’t need to strive or begrudge. And we do have everything we need, plus much more, when we embrace the loving presence of God in our lives. All it takes to believe in our blessings is to be willing to recognize that it’s only faulty perception blinding us to what we have been provided.

We are stubborn though; it’s hard to believe that what our senses tell us is true is true only in a dream; not in Reality itself. The world seems so concrete to us – it must be real. But the real world is beyond Earth, beyond senses, beyond human intelligence and perception. No wonder it’s hard to believe.

But it’s to our great advantage to believe, because with belief comes intuitive perception whereby we appreciate God’s desire for us to have the best of everything. Only then can we be content; to aspire to spiritual peace. Most of us wait until we die, and so waste our time here on things that don’t matter in Reality. Mystics die to the world on purpose, recognizing the love of God we all receive; recognizing it in such a way as to experience a little bit of heaven here and now without the wait.

In the parable of the Prodigal Son, the father tried to explain to the good brother that all the family has belongs to the good brother anyway; the bad brother can’t take away anything of value and so is not to be hated out of jealousy.

In the parable of the Vineyard Workers, the owner tried to explain that wages are wages; having once agreed to what will be accepted as payment, there is no need for any worker to begrudge what another one gets.

So often we think of life as a race — all this does is make sure we push others out of our way. So often we expect fairness out of all of life’s workings – God does not countenance fairness in His dealings with us because we cannot understand and cannot therefore judge His plan. Life is not an all-or-nothing proposition. Life isn’t a popularity contest or a system of rewards we can count on. Life doesn’t run smoothly on greed — not the greed of the “haves” and not the greed of the “have-nots” for what the “haves” have. A smooth life consists in something much greater than what we traditionally hold dear. When we strive for what will really satisfy us, we find that we look to accept the love of God that reaches out to us constantly. In this endeavor, nothing aspired to on the lower plane can approach, and the favors of the Holy Spirit we wouldn’t think of trading away.

If we take our individuality seriously and place our emphasis on a personal relationship with God, we are more apt to accept His work done in His way. There are so many little things that will not bother us in the least when we dedicate all we have to God’s plan for us. And we have a better relationship with others when we are not always trying to outdistance them on the path to fully appreciating God’s love.

2/26/10 Reflections           It’s just as easy to believe in God as not. If you don’t at least try, you’re basing your thoughts of God on your own attributes, which are pitifully inadequate. If you were to ask God about Himself you would be instructed by a powerful source. But you do yourself no favor if, after inquiring of God, you close your eyes and stop your ears against what you might learn.

Every day God guides us and protects us in ways we cannot comprehend because our minds don’t expand that far. Our inabilities should be comforting to us though – every weakness forces us to acknowledge the power of God, which must be working for our good since if God were against us we would know it all too well.

The more humble we are the more able we are to trust in God. Humility is not the same things as humiliation. Ego leaves us open to humiliation, but humility is the antithesis of ego. Humility is a state in which we are assured of pleasing God because we understand the need to make our wills subordinate to God’s.

God is our government – He makes us and He makes the rules by which we live. He gives us our rights and presents us with the circumstances that fulfill His plan. He sees to our welfare and expects us to take responsibility for obeying what He puts in our hearts as the moral way to deal with each other. His plan for us is broad; He does not micro-manage, leaving our free-will liberty to us as much as we need.

Sometimes our egos try to take God’s government over for ourselves, and sometimes we allow other egos to do it for us. When this takes place, it’s time to remember to go back to God in prayer to realign ourselves with Reality. Forget those who won’t do this, for whatever reason they have – the basis of a right-relationship with God is the individual and it’s the individual response to God that matters.

If everything else were to be taken away from the equation, our relationship with God would remain. Our spirits live on; it should be our spirits that hold our attention well above anything else. It is paramount in God’s agenda – His help guides you past the hype of humanity and sets you free to follow His morality; not anyone else’s. Rest yourself in living righteously; pledge allegiance to God and you will not go wrong.

1/31/10 Reflections          I’ve been thinking a lot about the children’s ward lately — about how it tested my faith in God’s mercy plan, and how it returned me to my faith tenfold over the years through the deep peace of supernatural insight.

While visiting my brother, who was bedridden with multiple sclerosis and in a nursing home, it was necessary for my other brother and I to go to the office on some business. The home was doing some renovations, which made us have to detour through the children’s ward to get to the office. As we were admitted we were told walk straight through, not to interact, and to make as little as noise as possible so as to not disturb the children.

What I saw in the children’s ward is almost beyond description. There were small misshapen bodies in all sorts of contortions; blank expressions on faces that didn’t look like humanity so much as things closeted away until no longer needing care. Their beds or wheelchairs lined both sides of the hallway — as we walked the gauntlet of unspeakable aberrations, in the midst of what the coldest-hearted human would call insufferable, there wasn’t any noise; just the silence of tolerated existence.

When we finally got through the opposite doorway, I told my brother this was a real test of my faith, which depends on the love of God for all His creation. It did one thing, though – it caused me to keep coming back to reflect on what little I know of God’s reasoning, and how I can only believe that what He does He does for our good. Then slowly the lesson of the children’s ward was taught to me within my spirit, and has given me a deeper, more peaceful intuition of the working of God’s love than I think I could have ever had without the experience.

I see now that we cannot care for each other properly. No matter how dire the circumstances and how tirelessly we work for our fellow human beings, we cannot give them what they truly need. Only God can do that. The most dedicated nurse on the children’s ward can only comfort the bodies of the children, and help them remain emotionally neutral.

Their bodies may be decimated, but who knows what they’re seeing inside? Only God can offer that comfort, and somehow I’ve come away with complete assurance that He does. Behind those distorted shells, could the children be experiencing the golden glowing joy of God’s perfect love as do those who have already passed on into His kingdom? If real meaning only exists in another world where God is the only god and our spirits gather Him fully and ecstatically, could those that are physically dependent and mentally unencumbered with worldly priorities be blessed with heavenly bliss here on Earth and unable to tell of it?

In fact, I’ve come into the knowledge that those children are experiencing the beauty of God the way God meant humans to experience Him — how we all would if our minds and bodies were disabled and given over solely to God’s care. In this condition of having nothing else, we enjoy the one thing we do have, unconditionally and without fail — the love of God.

Mystics are able to see the logic of their detachment from the world and negations of self-interest. To them the loss of selfhood is not debilitation so much as essential to experiencing something much better and closer to God’s desires. And those who study the Bible know well the scriptural plea for decreasing so they may increase, giving up all they have and following, taking no scrip for the journey, becoming like little children, the last being first, choosing the good part, letting them deny themselves, taking up the cross, losing their life for God’s sake, having their treasure in heaven, being poor in spirit, crying in the wilderness, the stone the builders rejected, casting in all they had, taking the lowest seat at the feast, seeking the kingdom of God, and entering at the narrow gate.

God should like us to be what we were at creation, before free-will and the sin and suffering that comes from it. For truth, that’s the state He has planned for us to return to in glory. Now, in the world, the independence we asked for has become a thing of strife. The only way to alleviate it is to allow ourselves to become totally dependent on God again so we may look upon His kingdom with joy and hope.

In the children’s ward this has been done for them and they live in the perfect presence of God without effort. Only those who give too much credence to the world and how we perceive it will miss completely what I missed momentarily – that the only thing that matters is the love of God, and whatever state we are in that we can perceive this love the most is the best state to be in. In the measure that we can’t assimilate this, we suffer from our lack of perception. That, then, is true and needless suffering.

I’m not suggesting that those who take care of the residents of the children’s ward don’t provide a heroic service – the need for care of these children’s bodies and emotions is enormous, and I hope for the caregivers’ sake that part of their compensation is the feeling of being blessed to be near these special temples of God’s love. But I am confident that God makes up for suffering by opening up the spirit to supernatural consolation. And this, being the better part, is what God encourages for all of us by our offering of our very selves to Him — a disabling of the ego so as to make His love our spiritual sustenance.

Mystic vision is not apparitions caught by our human senses. Mystic vision is the ability to see things as God sees them; a gift given because we want it badly and allow it freely. Through mystic vision we are able to “know properly” — not the things of this world but the reality of this world as seen from a higher plane. This is a comfort not only to the residents of the children’s ward, but to anyone who can learn exactly what it is they are experiencing. What we can know of God comes down to one necessary specific – that when we seek God we see Him, because that’s what we were made for. And when we see Him we know at once that no matter who we are, or how we look, or what we have or don’t have, without His love we would be nothing and with His love we are everything.

1/23/10 Insights from Prayer         Faith is how God operates. Don’t argue with me about God when your argument is against my dependence on faith itself. Without faith you can neither describe nor deny what God is to you. And with faith, your need to argue should disappear.

1/7/09 Insights from Study         More than one of today’s devotionals touches upon an attribute of mine that puzzles me. I often need God’s assurance on something that has been in the back of my mind for as long as I can remember. I hate to say it out loud because it sounds like a delusion of grandeur, even though no feeling of pride actually comes with it at all. But I have felt since I was a child that I have a special mission for God and I have been waiting rather obliviously for His “go-ahead”.

I don’t usually dwell on this, trying to figure out intellectually what I know can only come to me inspirationally, but it is ever there in quiet expectation. Whatever it is I am to do, I must not be ready for it as yet. I feel like I’m actively being prepared but there’s no clue as to the progress in what I’m being prepared for. It’s as if God hides my purpose so I don’t waste my effort in bumbling attempts to gear myself toward the work.

This call for patience isn’t a cause of anxiety – in fact this unknowing brings me a certain calm because I know the answer will come surely and supernaturally. All responsibility lies in the hands of the Creator, who not only treats me with love but is also very good at setting right things into place. But I’m sixty years old – sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I could have somehow missed the ship. Yet if that were so, why would I have this feeling of preparation?

Anyway, today’s theme seems to be that I will not be going anywhere on my mission; that I will be sought out right where I am. That makes sense in two ways. First is that as the years go by my odd distaste for leaving home for any reason gets stronger and more apparent. Second, I live in a place steeped in spirituality, where the presence of God can call to a person mystically, forcefully, and somewhat continuously. Today I read reminders that this narrow path I take is that way for a reason. Maybe as I record what comes to me in God’s presence I am already affecting His plans in ways I don’t even recognize. I may die tomorrow and find my mission is already done. Stay home and love God – easy for me and what I’d choose to do anyway. God hasn’t matched my job to my temperament; He’s given me the mission and matched me with the temperament I need to accomplish it.

12/26/09 Insights from Study                 It’s an honor to be despised by those who don’t believe in God. One mention of God can send them spinning into spasms of scorn – this at least is some indication of spiritual concern, which by the power of God may bring about their enlightenment. Far more troublesome is the person with no thought of God at all. That’s why I love atheists – the ones I know are at least passionate about spiritual matters.

It must be terribly frustrating for atheists, this trying to prove a negative. If I say I know of God because He’s told me of Himself, how can they argue against that? If they say God is not guiding me, they’re acknowledging that there is a God; if they say there is no God who could be the source of my enlightenment, then they must prove that to someone who is sure there is.

I, on the other hand, do not have to prove anything, because I already believe. My only task is to be so humble, faithful, and joyous that it upsets people into reflection. My work is done whether my antagonist comes around or he doesn’t – that is God’s decision; not the effect of my work. I don’t mean to make atheists mad, but I do feel a satisfaction in making them feel something. Who can feel deep emotion without wonder at how emotions came to exist?

It should be far easier to believe in a Creator than not, seeing that we and all around us definitely do exist and we can’t conceive of how. As for me, despise me all they want – I know what I know and they will never know enough about me to prove me wrong. If I were left the only person on Earth to believe in God, it would not change that belief in the slightest. Praise God’s wisdom and love!

12/24/09 Inspirations              When I was a child I believed in hell. You went there when you died unbaptized or in mortal sin; there was no hope – there you stayed for eternity. If you were baptized but in lesser-than-mortal sin when you died, you went to purgatory. This was a place of suffering where you paid for your sins, but also a place of hope because when you were purified you went to heaven. Your friends and family and even total strangers could help you get out of there and into heaven by praying a certain way, and if during life you did this and that you could build up indulgences that would be redeemed against your time in purgatory – a sort of time off for good behavior. Limbo was a kind of purgatory where unbaptized babies who knew nothing of sin were stored. Heaven was for the baptized who hadn’t committed any sins since the last time they ate a wafer blessed by a priest.

Later on, when I began to analyze my beliefs, little of this seemed plausible so in my feeling of having been duped, I went as far as I could the other way. I stopped believing in most everything. I still believed in God, but I had no relationship with Him because He was tyrannical and distant and the less I had to do with Him the safer I was. I didn’t have much trouble being good – for the most part I was a natural goody two-shoes who wanted to be left alone. I treated my neighbor as I wanted to be treated myself — I left him alone.

Then a little over five years ago God took me in hand; He showed me wondrous things and told me about Himself. I found out He was a loving God who was familiar with every aspect of me, because He lived in me and all around me. I found out how to recognize Him in His works. I learned that heaven is all there is and we’ve all been there all along – our perception has been so clouded we don’t experience things as the really are. There isn’t one thing I can do to gain or lose heaven – it is what it is and will not change. It is very, very good because it is what God made, and God wants only good for us.

Life on Earth is an exile – not from heaven but from our proper experience of heaven. For God’s good reasons we can only experience unreality here. It’s a dream, sometimes better described as a nightmare of our own making. We are causing our own thoughts to be fogged up. Somehow through our own free will we made our own delusion, and only direct knowledge and grace from God can be trusted. I haven’t been shown how this exile happened, except that it must have originated from God’s goodness. Life on Earth is in God’s master plan and not to be feared because God’s master plan only leads to reality, and God’s reality is wonderful.

So God’s spirit infused in me not only told me things outright, but showed me how to interpret other things with a view geared towards His will and the reality He made for us to live in. For instance – do my inspired thoughts make the Bible a pack of lies? No, God inspired others long ago just as He inspires us today. There is much to be gleaned of the inspirations found in the Bible, but it has to be ferreted out by means of my own personal inspiration from God in order to find in it what is meant to be found. We can look at our own times to see how truth gets battered beyond recognition – the government, the media, the education and justice systems are always rewriting history to fit their own agendas and spinning statistics to fit their own theories. The Bible is a holy resource that has been handled by human beings to conform to human needs, just as all inspirational literature is. It is not purely God’s original word – for that one has to look to one’s own spirit, where God’s truth is written. And why wouldn’t it be this way? God loves us and wants to deal with us directly.

It was in the midst of scripture-abuse that God came down as Jesus. He set the record straight on what we were doing that was not conformable to God’s wishes. He demonstrated the joy of having a right-relationship with God by abandoning our will in favor of matching His. Jesus taught us how to live in prayer; to be prayer itself in our very words and deeds. He showed that the harshness of humanity seems very real to us the way we see it, but we will be resurrected from this bad dream and return our perception to the reality of heaven. He made an example for us by His very life – affirming that God’s spirit is here with us; that His inspiration is the only truth we have, and that only God’s knowledge and grace can be relied upon. If we need to know more, we can always come to God to ask.

Jesus proved that though we tend to focus on the wrong thing in this foreign environment, the right thing is always available to everyone and is as close as our own spirits, which God fills with Himself out of love for us. God wants us to break through the heavy curtain that separates us from Him and that keeps us from realizing the pure joy of our existence. His light does come through, encouraging us to take advantage of the kind of relationship Jesus identified for us, but we need to put forth the effort by letting God prepare our spirits.

We can know a bit of our joy which is hidden, and bask right here and now in the kind of glory that is ours in full after our own resurrection into reality. We were made for this and all God asks is to be asked to reveal it. Even with a right-relationship with God and direct communication with His word, we are still only works in progress and far from an all-encompassing insight into truth while we are in this world. But if we are sincere, obedient, and humble we can be Christ-like. When you think of the meaning of Christmas, you understand how it must satisfy God greatly when we are willing to be Christlike despite the nature of the world around us.

12/21/09 Reflections              I seldom watch TV but yesterday evening I wanted to watch while I had my dinner. I flipped through the channels, trying to avoid politics, and came upon a “Caught on Camera” episode that disturbed me deep down inside – even more than politics would have.

A Polish man immigrating to Canada arrived at Vancouver airport. Speaking no English or French, thoroughly confused, and eventually frustrated, he spent nine hours in the airport trying to get on the right track. His mother, who came to meet him, was told he wasn’t on any flights and she had gone home to wait for word. Finally, frustrated and disturbed, the Polish man started acting aggressively. The airport authorities tasered him and tackled him to the floor; somehow in the scuffle the man died, and his mother had to be told. It was horrible to watch.

This is the kind of thing that tests my faith. I understand about suffering, but I’m too human to not be saddened by something that to me didn’t need to happen. In my prayers last night I confronted God: “Now look – nobody was wrong and nobody was 100% right. But it was Your will and everything had to come together just so for this to happen. He was looking forward to a new life here, and ended up dead and disgraced in public. What gives?” And God answered me plain as day: “Why do you assume this man’s continued life on Earth is preferable to his life of glory with Me? He is home now – no longer fearful, disturbed, confused, or frustrated. And yes, it is My will. So what do you plan to learn from it?”

I don’t consider myself a slouch when it comes to learning from God; this is, after all, my life’s focus. But I guess I’ll never understand some lessons perfectly, because I post this in heartache for this poor man’s memory, even though the incident itself and God’s insight about it proves to me that he is in a better place than I am.

12/20/09 Spiritual Presentations             

Last night I shut off the light and settled down under the covers to pray. It was zero degrees, making the ice boom like cannons – a nice sound, like thunder without the fear of lightning. The stars were many and beautiful; as always they remind me of the immensity of the universe, and that always makes me wonder about God’s works.

I was thinking about the fall of man, away from perfection and exiled here, where the ugliness of life stands side by side with the beauty of nature. The only way God, who doesn’t create evil, would allow us to exist this far away from Him is if the agony of this life is somehow a good thing. To me, this life is an illusion anyway; maybe the evil inherent in it is even more than an illusion. Maybe the illusion that is our suffering here exists to bring us greater joy. Did you ever look back on a bad time in your life with that curious relief that comes from realizing that life is better because the bad time is over? Did you ever have pain that was almost worth it because of the relief it brought you when it went away? Maybe that is the reason for our worldly existence – to make the transition back to reality even more wonderful than if we had never left. Maybe God gets something from this on our behalf. Whatever insight I was poised to get, I never got any further than this in this reflection.

I was about two minutes into my thoughts when I heard a soft, swishing sound come out of nowhere. I sat up in bed and listened but there was nothing but the sound I couldn’t identify. So I got out of bed and went over to where the sound seemed to be coming. That’s when I realized that during my meditation, for no reason at all, my old radio had started to play even though it was turned off.

It hadn’t been tuned to a valid station – what I heard during my meditation was white noise coming from a dead radio. Happening when it did was like God acknowledging that I was finally understanding something that He wanted me to understand. I fiddled with the power switch to see if there was a short in it, but the switch was working perfectly. Once I started messing with the dials, the radio no longer played when the switch was off, but that’s without a doubt the way it was when I heard it. It’s been over nineteen hours and the radio hasn’t repeated it’s unasked-for performance, and the switch is still working properly.  I can’t duplicate the miracle.

I still need more inspiration on the initial thought that set off the radio. I will put myself in front of God and I’ll reflect on this with patience, and eventually I will have more insight on it if that’s God’s will. But for now the important thing is to stress that God does give us signs to encourage us to come to Him for enlightenment. Some signs are less subtle than others, but we should be amazed at everything anyway. Our first thought when given a sign should be to go before God and thank Him for His wisdom instilled in us, and to pray that we will use this wisdom wisely.

“Dear Lord, I am so small, but it’s OK, because I belong to a great God who can do anything to show His love for me.”

All mysticism does is bring you before God – God will inspire you as to what to believe, and it will be right because it’s God’s work. While we do not ask for signs, it’s a valuable gift to be able to receive them.

12/19/09 Inspirations               When it comes to the things of God, how much can we human beings really know? What portion of what our ancestors said is really true? Given what we know of the history of mankind, and through our own experiences of human nature, what are we to believe?

As in everything pertaining to the mystical life, the first thing necessary for reflection is to put God first, ahead of worldly considerations and human input, because through this door lies only what God desires for us to hear. That means mystics, because they come from many beliefs, must as always pare down dogma and build up intuition. As we honor the Creator, we honor His methods, which are shaped to the individual and are varied beyond our comprehension. Our trust is in God’s word to us and through others with God’s inspiration in our spirits.

Remembering that Devotional Mysticism is an attitude of worship and not a religion itself, we must also remember that it is a practice open to all faiths, all denominations, and all individuals – excluding no one, as does God. Many mystics are Christians, and many non-Christian mystics believe in Jesus. Because of the varied interpretations God gives us, a discussion of Jesus and mysticism, to be relevant to all mystics, starts out simplified in the masses and will be built upon by the individual from within his own belief system.

A mystic interpretation may be that in Jesus God was saying “I will meet you where you live. I will come to you; to be among you and within you. In doing this, I will show you the things that I admire so you can follow my wishes through your free will. I will show you that if all in this life is not pleasant, you can look with joy to your own resurrection. From My manifestation on your level – separated as you are from Me by deception – you will find I’m a loving God, a merciful God; dedicated to you even when you turn your back on Me. I teach you compassion for others; I show you your own weaknesses so you too can be merciful to My other children. I bring you the promise that I will keep coming to you asking for your love — being pleased anytime you show it and merciful anytime you don’t. In other words, I have the capacity to communicate with you, and I do it in many different ways – ways that conform to what you can relate to. You call these manifestations of Myself by the names that mean something to you – Son of God, nature, Jesus, miracle, inspiration, Holy Spirit, co-incidence – because if my glory is beyond you I can have no real meaning for you. I am first your Creator, and I care for you in many ways while you’re away from me. Nothing pleases me more than that you would wait patiently for me with total confidence, see what I am to you, dedicate yourself to my will, and most of all love me with all you have.”

The important thing is that God can speak to us as Jesus and we will hear a powerful message. Christmas is a perfect time to reflect on this message in awesome wonder that God can and does put all His love into mankind despite what mankind can do.