The Light in the Woods

1/13/10 Reflections          I was busy with my own concerns when this earthquake hit – by the time I knew of it many were already dead. It’s been on my mind all day, but as I go about doing what I do, it occurs to me many more are in the process of dying. And many are trapped and know that soon they will die. Then there are those who are healthy but grieving, and those who don’t even know if they should be grieving.

It seems like this country has been poor forever; I have felt compassion for these people for as long as I’ve been aware of world affairs. As a freshman at university I remember my Historical Geography teacher asking each of us where in the world we might like to go. When it was my turn I said I wanted to go to Haiti and help the people there. My teacher smiled and asked if I knew anything about Voodoo. I said not too much, but I could speak some French – meaning I might be able to empathize that way. Some kid in the class sneeringly said “Jeez, she thinks Voodoo is a language!”

Those days were full of intimations that God was directing me toward something even though I wasn’t very friendly with God at the time. These days I live for loving God and there still is this feeling of being designed to help somehow, but it seems for missionary work I would be a liability now that I’m too old and everything hurts. Back when I was young and could have gone, I didn’t take the hint. Now I get it, but I’m over the hill. Still, I wish I could go and be of service to a people who are not only economically destitute, but have been footballs in a deadly political game for so long. And victims of disaster after disaster.

It’s easy for me to say, here in my comfort and safety, but I have to pray that Haiti’s latest disaster is the one that turns things around for those poor people. They are deserving of a miracle, and my other prayer is that this brings them closer to God, not further away. Only God can bring that miracle about. But I hope there are many compassionate donors of time and money who can pave the way and work with Him.

12/20/09 Spiritual Presentations             

Last night I shut off the light and settled down under the covers to pray. It was zero degrees, making the ice boom like cannons – a nice sound, like thunder without the fear of lightning. The stars were many and beautiful; as always they remind me of the immensity of the universe, and that always makes me wonder about God’s works.

I was thinking about the fall of man, away from perfection and exiled here, where the ugliness of life stands side by side with the beauty of nature. The only way God, who doesn’t create evil, would allow us to exist this far away from Him is if the agony of this life is somehow a good thing. To me, this life is an illusion anyway; maybe the evil inherent in it is even more than an illusion. Maybe the illusion that is our suffering here exists to bring us greater joy. Did you ever look back on a bad time in your life with that curious relief that comes from realizing that life is better because the bad time is over? Did you ever have pain that was almost worth it because of the relief it brought you when it went away? Maybe that is the reason for our worldly existence – to make the transition back to reality even more wonderful than if we had never left. Maybe God gets something from this on our behalf. Whatever insight I was poised to get, I never got any further than this in this reflection.

I was about two minutes into my thoughts when I heard a soft, swishing sound come out of nowhere. I sat up in bed and listened but there was nothing but the sound I couldn’t identify. So I got out of bed and went over to where the sound seemed to be coming. That’s when I realized that during my meditation, for no reason at all, my old radio had started to play even though it was turned off.

It hadn’t been tuned to a valid station – what I heard during my meditation was white noise coming from a dead radio. Happening when it did was like God acknowledging that I was finally understanding something that He wanted me to understand. I fiddled with the power switch to see if there was a short in it, but the switch was working perfectly. Once I started messing with the dials, the radio no longer played when the switch was off, but that’s without a doubt the way it was when I heard it. It’s been over nineteen hours and the radio hasn’t repeated it’s unasked-for performance, and the switch is still working properly.  I can’t duplicate the miracle.

I still need more inspiration on the initial thought that set off the radio. I will put myself in front of God and I’ll reflect on this with patience, and eventually I will have more insight on it if that’s God’s will. But for now the important thing is to stress that God does give us signs to encourage us to come to Him for enlightenment. Some signs are less subtle than others, but we should be amazed at everything anyway. Our first thought when given a sign should be to go before God and thank Him for His wisdom instilled in us, and to pray that we will use this wisdom wisely.

“Dear Lord, I am so small, but it’s OK, because I belong to a great God who can do anything to show His love for me.”

All mysticism does is bring you before God – God will inspire you as to what to believe, and it will be right because it’s God’s work. While we do not ask for signs, it’s a valuable gift to be able to receive them.

12/10/09 Inspirations              Given infinite time and resources, can science ever know everything? In even one small area, if we knew all there was to know, what we’d want to do with such knowledge would far surpass the ability of our hands to work or the Earth to supply the raw materials to take us from knowledge to usefulness. But beyond that – would we be comfortable, or even survive, without the mystery that keeps us striving and thriving?

I hope that we accept with gratitude the knowledge that is doled out to us. I hope we never despair to think that we’re not meant to know everything. Most of all in this matter, I hope we welcome that there will always be a mystery to life, a quality that cannot be supported by facts.

The cloud of unknowing is a gift; not a curse. It gives us something to aim for and something to occupy our minds. It assures us that no matter what we achieve, we can always become even more excellent. It keeps hope alive, and yet it keeps us humble to know we cannot have this knowledge without asking for it. It gives us joy whenever the fog of unknowing lifts a bit and lets in the tiniest ray of light.

There will come a time when we are gone from this Earth and no longer need knowledge in order to experience satisfaction. Until then, we need the mystery that keeps us centered while we wait for the promise. In keeping with the tenets of the subject of science, I haven’t mentioned God in this piece so far, but there isn’t anyone reading it who doesn’t know in their hearts that God is what this article, as well as the mystery of life, is about.

With the stupendous achievements we’ve experienced in science and technology, what would normally seem miraculous becomes commonplace. Supernatural miracles do not behave this way – they are usually not meant to prove a point so much as to enlighten our lives with joy. They appear when we are ready and receptive; that’s why they are not recognized by everyone or accepted by everyone in the same degree. But the best part is that they never become commonplace, because God has at His disposal infinite ways of communicating His miracles. We are blessed if we understand this, because the mystery keeps us looking. The next week, the next day, the next hour or the next minute may display something wonderful if we are watching.  Though we strive for knowledge, we thrive on mystery.

7/13/09 Insights from Study       When we see life clearly enough to understand our own futility in the world, we paradoxically understand that the most we can ask for is to use ourselves in the way God desires. We are therefore both aware of our smallness and encouraged that this awareness itself makes up open to great abilities.

It’s an awesome privilege to be made small in the world because the smaller we are, the more room for God we have in our spirits. God works best in us when we are open to improvement and appreciative of help. When we use our independence to invite God’s guidance, we are putting to use powers much greater than our own; for a purpose blessed by the Creator.

This doesn’t require the things we’ve learned are effective; it takes a miracle. But miracles are given to us daily, if only we can recognize them. And miracles are far more effective than what we can do on our own.

To invite miracles into our lives we need to understand what pleases the Miracle Worker. It isn’t how we flex our muscles or develop our intellects – these things are good for human interaction but aren’t necessary to prepare ourselves to welcome the working of God in our spirits. What’s needed is the ability to tune out human nature and the demands of the world long enough to see our true nature. Only when we see how small and helpless we are will we welcome God’s interaction. Only when we welcome God’s interaction will we appreciate the peace humility brings.

God doesn’t expose us to trials and suffering because He’s mean and wants to cut us down to size. He wants us to learn from them that because we are vulnerable we can gather up all our troubles and offer them to God as His responsibility. It’s God’s love for us that energizes this cycle of need and provision. It’s God’s love that makes us long for the miracles that bring us closer to Him.

6/11/09 Spiritual Presentations

Yesterday I kayaked on the lake in a misty rain. There were billowy clouds marching across the sky constantly; now and again one would start to weep big drops of cold rain. Behind it the sun kept up its job, but it’s power today was no match for the clouds. At one point I watched for a few minutes as a rainbow rested in the trees before it had a chance to arc into the sky. I didn’t know until now that this could happen, but now I know it can because I watched it clearly.

The mosquitoes went wild – they would buzz around my head and get into my face, but they never lit or bit. I had to ask God to please stop them because I could hardly breathe, and my trip would be ruined just as I was starting it. Yes, they went away instantly. I don’t care if no one believes me, other than the fact that if they don’t, they’re wasting so much beauty and peace that comes with holding God in your heart so close that His love and care comes through when you ask for it. It is always there, but it’s when we ask for it that we are lovingly made to realize that it’s with us.

5/8/09 Spiritual Presentations          I’d had a headache for over a week, brought on by neck muscle problems. It wasn’t killing me, but the aspirin I had to take was going to cause harm eventually. Plus the longer constant pain goes on, the more I fall into a pit of despair. Last night I asked God to comfort me because I had had some bad news earlier, and I prayed that if He gave me relief from my headache I would take that as a sign that I was handling the bad news in a way that pleased Him. Instantly I relaxed and I did feel better and was able to fall back asleep.

This was in the early morning hours. When I got up for the day I thought that I wouldn’t be surprised if the headache was back, because things that happen in the night usually seem more dramatic than they do in the daylight. Finding I really did have no headache, I praised God in my wakeup prayers. It felt so good since the disappointing news had shot down royally something I had asked God for that I thought would bring Him glory, and I needed His special comfort then. And I was quite surprised that having specifically asked for a sign, I actually got it. I had assumed God would not appreciate being tested that way.

By the time of my morning devotions, doubt had already started to creep in. Could I have been having headache respites all along and put that in the back of my mind in favor of a miracle? Did I ask for a sign that God was still with me despite my recent setback, or did I just ask to be relieved from the headache? Did the headache go away just because talking to God relaxed me? Could the miracles I witness be proof only that I can control my pain using my mind? Or is pain itself a delusion I can let go of?

The point comes to me now – in any scenario I can think of, it’s actually God doing the work no matter how much input there seems to be on my side. It doesn’t matter how the headache came to be gone; the headache and the healing are both works of God designed for my benefit. Same with my bad news – what I wanted was not meant to be, but sometimes life’s hurts illustrate how blessed it is to go to God for comfort.

Here’s the thing about asking for a sign, and why I think God uses signs sparingly — we are never totally satisfied or fully convinced. I ask for a sign from the Divine, I get it, and still I doubt. For a person who believes with such certainty, my disbelief is enormous. This is a good lesson for me – to take what I’m given as proof of God’s love; to know that His ways are mysterious for a reason; to learn to heighten my belief by accepting everything as from God; to hold off judgment of others’ disbelief when my own is lurking stealthily beneath the surface. This lesson was worth the headache and could be the real sign for which I was searching.

3/29/09 Spiritual Presentations          Once again I experience a day when what I’m inspired to write in the morning is taken up exactly in my later readings; perfectly co-ordinated with what God had already just presented to me.  What is there in this except a miracle designed to remind me to have faith in God’s plan and the fortitude to honor that plan no matter what reservations I or anyone else may place on it?

So I offer this prayer of gratitude: Thank you Lord for moments of miracle; for clarity of your purpose and the reminder that my spiritual enlightenment is important to you. Only a loving Father would send out constant reminders of boundless support even when the child doesn’t know it needs it. As I delight in the proof of Your love and attention, give me also the means to share it. This is what I want more than anything; I know that if this is what You want as well, Father, then this is what will be. I take Your miracles as proof that my acceptance of Your influence in me is pleasing to You. Thank You for the visible affirmation of our mutual love.

And as if to put an exclamation point on the end of a proclamation, the same coincidence happened again this afternoon. I know that I’m more likely to catch insights on Sundays, when I’m left enabled to gear myself for them, but I would have recognized this miracle any day for its outstanding insistence.