The Light in the Woods

 

#28 – THE LIGHT IN THE WOODS – NOVEMBER 2007

 

© Aubri Dennison 2007

 

11/12/07 Insights from Study            All prayer is acceptable to us because all prayer gives glory to God. Even if your prayer is to berate God for allowing a trial to complicate your life or that of someone else – you are still acknowledging God’s power. At another time you may understand a little better the reasoning behind what God does, but at least for now you’ll be showing that you are dependent on God and needful of His help. Or consider the “Why?” prayers – Why, God, do You let me suffer this pain? Why did You let her die on me? Why can’t You see to it that I have enough money coming in? Why don’t You ever help me quit drinking? Even in our anger we acknowledge that we can’t get by without God’s help, and this is a good start toward a right-relationship with Him. It’s not that God is a “glory hog” — God needs nothing from us – but that He approves of whatever is good for us. And prayer is good for us, even when it’s a vent for our misguided anger. At least we are coming to the right place, and once we do that in a small way, we can be inspired to do it in a large way to our own benefit. So pray away – you’ll never wound God with your prayer, and He won’t turn His back on you if in your weakness you step on His reputation. He is beyond all that, and your conversation directed at Him is proof that you are ready to participate in a relationship with Him. No prayer can be too self-serving, because you can never care for yourself as much as God loves you.

 

11/12/07 Insights from Study         In studying Galatians I learn that law and scripture brings us up to God through purity and obedience. But once seized by God, faith takes over and we move beyond teaching meant for the uninitiated. This was demonstrated so clearly by Christ, who was always superseding the law because of His faultless relationship with the Father. This is the same relationship mystics strive for even though we will never get to the scope of perfection that was Christ. But through this growth process, scripture gives way to personal revelation, sacrificial rites give way to prayer, sermons give way to meditation, commandments give way to looking for what your heart tells you, recitation gives way to contemplation. Paul says that when he was a child he did the things of a child, but when he learned better he put away the things of a child and put on the cloak of a man. As we move beyond the first stages of our relationship with the Creator, we change our tactics, or rather God changes them for us. This doesn’t mean the things left behind are forgotten, for they will always hold a special place as having contributed to us being what we are. Also, we need to go back to them sometimes to reconnect, because it’s these very things we will need to start with when we pass on the gospel to others.

 

11/13/07 Insights from Study           “The darkest of things is the dwelling-place of the Beloved, without the Beloved.” — Muhammad B. Al-Fadl

In Mysticism as elsewhere, it’s true that you don’t know what you’ve got until you lose it. We’re like those who have had out-of-body experiences – once we’ve seen heaven we don’t want to go back. But God knows how to handle us. He gives us glimpses; we learn to love them. Then He holds back His gift of the recognition of His presence, because He knows that we don’t seek what we already have, and it’s in the seeking that we learn the importance of God. Mystics have learned to enjoy the dark times because they are proof that God wants to be bothered with us. And since He doesn’t fail when something is for our good, it’s a matter of waiting – not with frustration but with anticipation.

 

11/16/07 Reflections           What if you think of breaking the law, knowing that you’ve searched your heart and the thing you want to do feels good and right? What if you go ahead and do it, and still feel righteous within? What if doing it is a part of the way you live and does not bring about even the smallest shred of remorse? I’ve thought and thought, and I’m inspired to say there are three tests for this situation. First, the opportunity must present itself as a gift from God – a presentation that pops up for the greater good, of yourself or others, despite man’s laws. Second, it must hurt no one, including yourself and your relationship with God. Third, the peace and joy of being right with God must remain in your inner being when you contemplate doing the thing and/or after you have done it. The more government takes upon itself to make laws, the more chance a law will impose harshness on us that God did not intend, or even be displeasing to God. The more we pray for discernment the more prepared we will be when the moment of decision arrives. Praying to be immersed in God’s will, come what may, is the best preparation.

 

11/17/07 Reflections         We can learn a lot through analyzing our own prayers. In fact, I wonder if that isn’t the real reason God loves our prayers. It’s another affirmation that we give ourselves to Him for a noble cause. In return, He tells us about Himself and ourselves as well.  God already knows us well – our desires, our fears, our goals, our sins – and He already has a plan into which all of these things play a part. Our prayer doesn’t add anything to this that God doesn’t already know or have planned. But in the praying itself, and the answer to it that we recognize, lies the means by which we learn about our nature and our relationship to God. The more we’re shown, the more we reflect on it – when God’s presence in us is recognized as the full-time, infused thing that it is, then our reflective awareness is an unceasing prayer. There’s only one perfect way of vocal prayer because we have only one need that God waits to provide until we ask for it out of our free will – that is to pray for God’s guidance and grace so that the only thing that exists in our desire is the will of God. Any other prayer we make is the result of that very guidance.

 

11/19/07 Reflections            They say “having things” doesn’t bring happiness, but I think that’s a sweeping generality that needs to be explored. Not too many generations ago was the edge of a great chasm between us and them – those who “made do” and those to whom materialism is a given. They could never have envisioned such a technological existence, and we can’t envision going back. Some of us live so remotely that we haven’t the need for many of the things that are available, and some of us deliberately try to go back to having no conveniences, but in both cases it’s more difficult than ever because we must try to live without technology in a technology-centered world. I think of my husband’s family, who lived in the same area, but in a totally different era, that we are living. It isn’t enough to say they were OK because they didn’t know what they were missing. They must have been bored out of their minds; not as bored as we would be if our “toys” were taken from us and we had to go back to their style of living, but bored nonetheless. The non-variety of their food alone would preclude joy of eating. And I can’t imagine having to travel much of a distance by canoe or snowshoe – if it were up to me I’d rather stay home. But for them, the lack of communication kept them on the move even though such travel was a lot of work. On the other hand, there’s a lot I can relate to because it wasn’t too long ago I left my comfy lifestyle and moved “off the grid”. It didn’t bother me all that much because there were other things than possessions that were more important to me. But they still would have been important to me if I had the extras back then that I enjoy today. Back then it was a happy deal when we decided to heat up the coolant for the light plant because we were going to have electricity that night and I would get to play my scratchy records. We had snowy black and white TV reception and we had two choices of programming, neither of which was all that great. We could run a radio on batteries, but we got one station and that would fade in and out. No telephone, and it was a long way to the mailbox; postal service was slow. Now I have crystal clear satellite TV and radio, and I have instant information available by satellite internet. Electricity is on every night; the light plant doesn’t need coolant, and CDs aren’t scratchy. Am I any happier? You bet! It’s because the good things, the free and available peace and contentment, are still important to me, and would still be there if nothing else was. There’s nothing wrong with being happy, and there’s nothing wrong with having things that make you happy, as long as they don’t detract from the real purpose of life and the really needful things of God.

 

11/20/07 Inspirations           I have been told to think about this: God loves you every bit as much as He loves Jesus. The fact that you sin and Jesus doesn’t makes no difference when measuring God’s immeasurable love. God’s love is all-encompassing; too great to be limited by circumstances. A love that powerful can only exist; it can’t grow and pull-back. It just is – and all you have to do is set your whole heart, mind, and soul into recognizing this love and returning it. Tell God you want to open yourself up to this love. If you truly want to focus on Him instead of yourself, He will come through and make it happen. When you finally begin to know God’s love, you will know your purpose, and you will reach for heaven, because it’s there that you will be able to know God’s love perfectly and entirely.

 

11/21/07 Inspirations                  Bridges don’t make islands into mainland.

 

11/22/07 Inspirations                You’d think someone who is so grateful for even the smallest things would not be so afraid to give back to God in the smallest ways. I’m too shy to evangelize. It’s OK if the subject comes up, so I wait until someone comes to me. But as far as overcoming my shyness for the work of God, I just can’t do it. Should I press myself and be a warrior, or should I wait on the Lord because the path I’m on is the one He’s given me? I don’t want to be a fake, but I don’t want to be a slacker either. I know the answer is to pray for direction, but so far it ends up that I’m only praying for the faith to accept this lack of direction. What good am I to God? I know the words I write down are His inspiration, but nothing seems to come of it. I know something will come of it when He’s ready, but I can’t shake this useless feeling. This “all or nothing” attitude is no stranger to me. I was always starting out big and quitting at the first sign of the failure that was inevitable. I’m impatient with small steps. I think God’s using me despite the fact that I’m the wrong person for the job. Maybe the job is that I hide my light under a barrel so that when God finally does throw the barrel off to the side, the brightness will cause others to notice the change and come near to see about it.

 

11/22/07 Inspirations            How easy it would be to give up worldly possessions if we didn’t have any in the first place. How easy it would be to give up worldly cares in order to gaze up at God, if we had nothing else to do. That’s why it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to get to heaven – not because being rich is a sin, but because it’s an extra step that must be taken to get closer to the things that matter to God instead of what matter to us. To be without possessions or purpose is to already be on the right path for purification and perfection. That’s why, if safety isn’t a factor, it’s easier to evangelize the third world than the first – those to whom evangelists are directing their message have less to give up on the path to perfection. But closer to home, the right conditions to ease onto the path to perfection exist in our prisons. Many of these inmates are ready to reform because lacking possessions and direction are states of fertile ground in which to plant the seeds of love for God. Also, the need to change old attitudes and priorities is well-established in prisoners, making them ready to accept the help of God. How satisfying to do like God does, using trial and suffering as a springboard for real conversion.

 

11/23/07 Inspirations              Good people always stay away from sin, but most of us need to work on our character flaws. If I say something hurtful to somebody on purpose it could be a sin, but if I say something badly that gets wrongly interpreted as a put-down, I need to examine the character flaw that led to the situation. We can always improve ourselves, but only if we look through the prism of perfection. If we are honest with ourselves we can know if we commit a sin, but if we put blinders on, we may be fooling ourselves. I live in a permissive society where “doing your own thing” is a badge of honor, and any wrong-doing that spins off from it seems to get lost in the clutter. A permissive culture weans us away from the discernment we need, and we don’t welcome any attempt to remind us that just because an action is accepted by like-minded people doesn’t mean it’s OK in God’s eyes. Please others, please ourselves, or please God? If you choose God, you will be asked to examine those “grey areas” between sin and innocence. Most of our character flaws are easily fixed by just the awareness of their seriousness. We might not have to do the fixing in order to fit in with our culture, but how pleasing it is to God when we try to do better in the small things.

 

11/23/07 Insights from Study           The way I see the difference between religion and spirituality lies in how we work with our doctrines. Religion encourages a set of beliefs decided by a scripture committee, whereas spirituality makes us look inside ourselves for our questions and present them to God for insight. Religion deals with right and wrong for everybody in the world, whereas spirituality leaves room for each person to consult with their own spirit and the knowledge God has put there. Religion will tell you all the bad things that will happen if you don’t follow the play book, but spirituality leaves the judgment up to God. Religion tends to fix things through criticism and retribution; spirituality fixes things through intercessory prayer.

 

11/25/07 Reflections             I see now that the reason my deeds and devotions never seem to come together into a whole is that there really is a progression in the path to perfection. It’s no wonder it feels like the same old directionless wandering I used to experience – it involves putting away one thing in order to concentrate on another. When this all started I had it all – community, ritual, meditation, reading, writing, reflective prayer, and contemplation. I still have it all to use as needed, but my focus changes. I feel like I’ve “gone beyond” community, ritual, and mediation, and am now in the process of setting aside the reading. The revelations are like the passion of a new relationship – it evolves into a less exhibitionary but more comfortable state. I’ve gone from revelation to inspiration, because I’m more in tune to God, like spouses become more attuned to each other, and do not need to be “hit over the head” with concepts as much as before. I’ve gone from community worshiping to the hermetic lifestyle; even though it could be no other way because of where I live, it suits me much more comfortably. So what’s next for my focus? I suppose prayer, then contemplation. I haven’t completely abandoned my love of worldly things, because I’m in mourning for the joy I got out of my books, even before the joy has died. But the reading through the Bible from cover to cover is definitely over. That became in itself a form of ritual long after I was through getting much from it. I’m much more into reading it in a Lectio Divina form, but I will mourn the progressive Bible reading for one reason, and that is because it was the thing that got me started on my spiritual path. The Bible has done for me all it was meant to do – bring me into the desire for a right-relationship with God. In three days it will have been three years since I first took up my spirituality. I pray that with each new focus I advance to a different appreciation without regretting not getting the old consolation out of the old devices. Your will be done, Lord, but how will I live if I lose the need to write?

 

11/25/07 Reflections              Every Sabbath I get reminded that it’s very wise to set aside one day a week for attention to God. Each Sunday I have a whole day where I can devote all my time to God without having any deadline, work, or commitments to interrupt me. The fact that I can easily fill up my Sundays this way, and wish for more, is visible proof that there is definitely something special going on in me. I can see belonging to a hermetical order, where one can devote all their time this way. I think I could do that now, but only under the condition that there are no rules or regulations as to how I must conduct my devotions, or what I do outside my devotions. In this matter, I’d be better off doing what I’m already doing. I wouldn’t mind living with other like-minded devotees, but I already have my reading and writing whereby I listen and speak to other seekers. And there is no more awesome nature retreat that could fulfill me better than right where I already live. So, really, I do have the best setup for contemplative life, and I have the joy of family and work as well. What I guess I really want is two Sabbaths per week.

 

11/26/07 Revelations           This revelation came to me a year ago and I didn’t get it into the blog, so I’m including it here on it’s first anniversary. “Don’t despair when you see in yourself what you think of as faults – I’ve put them there and you’re helpless to make it not so. But I have chosen you, and made your faults known to you so that when I bring you into the light you will see how dark indeed you’ve been. Then and only then will you know how much you despise your faults and yearn for My good graces.”

 

11/27/07 Insights from Study            The idea isn’t to cut yourself off from society, but to be disconnected from it interiorly. You go about your work and your play in moderation, quietly and positively, while inside all attention remains on God. For the body and soul (emotions and intellect) are of only temporary use to get us through our Earthly existence – the spirit, through which we communicate with God and which represents our true form of divinity, is the part of us that lasts, and moves on after death. For this reason you should pay the most of your attention to your spirituality. The wants and needs of the body and soul are certainly important in this life, but not at the expense of peace and purity of your spirit, which will be with you always. So you don’t withdraw from the world so much as keep your gaze inward on the things of the spirit; what naturally comes of that is that the things of the world take their proper, lower priority compared to the hope of the spirit that will accompany you into eternity.

 

11/28/07 Reflections            If you’re ever to understand the real meaning behind the words “the presence of God is all-pervading”, you can start by imagining what our Earth would look like without His intervention. The earthquakes, typhoons, tornadoes, floods, hurricanes, frosts, drought, fires, avalanches, etc. that work to shape and renew our Earth would be constant and intolerable for life, both human and non-human, if not for God’s desire to temper them so that their goodness works for life instead of interfering with it. If not for sin, nature would never cause us suffering; at least the sin that turned the Earth into a hostile environment cannot overcome the tempering force of an all-present God. But as long as there is sin, there will be suffering. God will not return the Earth to its perfect state unless all souls renounce all sin. Until we are perfect, God never completely holds back the forces that sin has turned into evil.