The Light in the Woods

 

#14 – THE LIGHT IN THE WOODS – SEPTEMBER 2006

 

© Aubri Dennison 2006

 

9/3/06 Reflections           It’s funny how things turn out. When I decided I wanted a kayak I had my choice of anything from $300 to $3,000. On a lark I went into one notoriously expensive store and fell in love with a huge, expensive kayak; not because it’s what I needed (it was way more than I needed) but because it was a beautiful shade of periwinkle blue. I’ve always used “it’s different from everybody else’s” as a basis of decision. But I knew I was only dreaming and went on to buy the cheapest plastic kayak they make; indistinctive blue and white. I bought it because if I hadn’t, I would have decided not to buy a kayak at all, and deliberated over and over if having a kayak is truly being too much of this world. As it turns out, the little cheap model was exactly what I needed as far as stability, speed, and toughness. Together we’ve put in hours of happy adventure, tranquility, and opportunity for prayer and reflection – I got my money’s worth out of it the first time I took a paddle in it and realized it fits me to a “T”, and yet I expect it to last me for a long, long time. And the hot sun is fading it into the most beautiful shade of periwinkle blue . . .

 

9/3/06 Insights from Study             God’s sending down Jesus fits in well with what I intuit about God and His methods. He is likely to show us examples of how to live the right life, and any miracles He lets us in on are a result of that. I see this in nature – the lives of the innocent show us how we as children of God need only live according to his will and we will be taken care of. Our job is harder because we have our own free wills to deal with, but our reward in heaven is great and inestimably worthy of being claimed.

 

9/3/06 Reflections                  As an organizer I take a lot of pleasure in scheduled devotion – so much so that I’ve felt compelled to experiment with giving it up as a prideful and worldly practice. I’ve tried to de-ritualize my prayer and journaling time so that the spontaneity can come through, and feel I may have merely progressed to another level. But reliable prayer times and consistent journaling do make me feel closer to the right path. Am I just a victim of human needs, or does God work in me through these very needs? For instance, I have a human need to contribute to the welfare of someone less blessed than I am – though it’s an honorable desire, aren’t even honorable desires self-serving? Do I really need to give up good works as soon as they start to satisfy me? I somehow don’t think God’s demands are as unwavering as some would teach. I guess the only answer to my dilemma is to trust that God will turn any works I might do into perfect sacrifices and allow me to continue.

 

9/5/06 Insights from Study            “I will have mercy; not sacrifice.” It’s what you do for those who are your enemies, who cause you trouble, or sin against you or your beliefs, that makes you a good priest. Instead of presenting God with the praise of good people, the more profitable course is to make good people out of bad people. This is the real job of priests, and we are all priests to Jesus. In the same vein, exclusivity isn’t a good way to draw in believers and the righteous. In Matt. 11:24-26 the person trying to be righteous feels shunned and alone and unwanted because of exclusivity and forgiveness; finally he takes back up with the same bad crowd as before, only worse, because at least with them he has acceptance.

 

9/7/06 Presentations              Riding in the boat on the way to the public landing I was praying for guidance as to whether I should go back to morning and evening prayers or not. I gave them up thinking my need for organized devotions was a human foible getting in the way of my unitive relationship with God. As I was reflecting on this, I suddenly heard in my mind: “What’s getting in the way of a unitive relationship is your need for a sign of God’s acceptance of your prayer. It’s this human need that makes it like a give and take, when in reality you would be better off to remember it’s all give on God’s part! The ball is always in His court. You shouldn’t try to win acceptance with your prayer – you should just pray, and assume acceptance without any outward sign.” No sooner had this thought eked out than God went ahead and gave me the sign He told me not to strive for! We went to shore to look at a new beaver house and there was something down the shore that was white and looked too square to be natural. So we went in and I picked it up and unfolded it. It was a Saganaga map – just like what I had said a few days before I wished I had; an old one I didn’t care much about to leave in the kayak. The message was, I think, that you get what you want when it isn’t “your action done in order to result in God’s action”. But you’re receiving God’s favor because He loves you and is your father who watches out for you. Don’t seek favors; seek to acknowledge the gifts you have. It’s OK to ask, but don’t expect the answer to come on a scroll delivered by heavenly angels descending from clouds accompanied by a heavenly chorus. God could give me what I wanted after having told me I shouldn’t want it, because He has enough confidence in me to know I wouldn’t abuse the privilege. He knew I wouldn’t think then that I can get around Him, because I’ve learned enough to know He’s all-powerful. If a human said “no” and then “well, all right then” we would think we had power over that person. God, being all-powerful, doesn’t have to save face – He deals with us in a way He knows we can handle and still remain humble. It’s a special privilege to have proof that we really do have some virtue and God knows it.

 

9/10/06 Insights from Study          Devout Muslims have more in common with Christians and Jews than with extremist Muslims, who are using their religion as an excuse for following their own selfish ends and God-abhorred means. The good people of the world, whatever their religion, should work together to denounce the bad, whatever their religion, and bring all people of the world to the path back to God. Once this process is begun it will feed on itself and a cycle of goodness begetting goodness will roll on under it’s own momentum until we are ready to inherit the eternal kingdom for which we’ve been longing.

 

9/12/06 Insights from Study          One of the greatest gifts God gives us is the hope that our love for Him can be validated in any of a million ways, because with God all things are possible. This “nod from God” could appear any day, any way, any time, while you’re alone or amid a roomful of people. And when it comes and your awe for it has been all sorted out, it reminds you that the next one will come in just a surprising and joyful way. When we receive our joy from God we’re doubly blessed, because we know our joy is good and right and not a worldly joy.

 

9/13/06 Inspirations           In two days two thrushes have flown into our porch windows and died instantly. They hadn’t sinned against God; they’d done nothing to deserve this tragedy. And yet it’s plain – they were living the life they were supposed to and suddenly they were killed by a mistake. This is a turnabout to the teaching of Jesus – “if God takes care of His birds why wouldn’t you expect Him to take care of you?” Maybe when we see innocence die we realize that death is not a punishment; a happening, not a disaster. It’s not an outrage, an injustice, an impulse, or a revenge perpetrated on us by a critical God. It just is, and it is for a good reason, which we aren’t privileged to know or capable of assimilating even if we should know. God has reasons; God knows best. Relax with faith and trust in Him.

 

9/17/06 Insights from Study           What is done against me on this earth doesn’t matter, because I’m a subject of the eternal kingdom, which for me is the only reality. My only concern here is to live out this life alloted to me in a Christlike manner until I can go home. Our lives here are an analogy to the captivity of the Jews brought about by their sin and their distancing themselves from God. During the diaspora God began preparing a place for them to return with a new relationship to Him. All life on earth is this captivity by the things that are against us – we only break free by God’s help, and then He welcomes us home in joy.

 

9/17/06 Reflections             I want to live like the animals, who are perfect beings because they aren’t burdened with free will. But having been made in the image of God, I have the gift of freedom of choice. I’m just one of those who want my will to match the will of God, and to do this I offer Him my will to make as His own. In this way I never have to wonder; to discern. But I must truly fight my human tendencies to retain the part of this free will which gives me joy in earthly things to the exclusion of how God would have used it. We can enjoy earthly things, if we’re ever-mindful that the joy comes from the knowledge that God has gifted us, as our creator and the creator of the things that give us joy.

 

9/17/06 Reflections           Lately I’ve been keeping my devotional thoughts close to my heart instead of writing them down. Why would this be? Usually when I think that I should write something down so I don’t lose the thought, I’m anxious to do it right away. Because I know I’ll be better off, it’s not a chore. Now it’s more like – does it matter what I write? I’d like to think it’s because I’m moving away from the world into something better, and journaling just forces me back into the world. But then I think no, I just invented this explanation because it’s a good reason instead of a bad one. I wish I could just let go; forget about cause and effect and stop my intellect from ordering my actions. I want to be spontaneous, but in order to be that, I’d have to proactively stomp my true nature into the ground. Is that wise?

 

9/17/06 Insights from Study           It’s amazing how true illumination happens. You read something one day; hit the high spots and come away with very little insight. The after you’ve gone on to advance in your study, you can come back to that very same source and, rereading it, say – yes, of course, this is perfectly appropriate; why didn’t I see that the first time? It’s because when you’ve analyzed yourself through study you become more attuned to what you believe and what’s important to you. When you go back, you do it with a clearer insight and more interest.

 

9/17/06 Presentations          Another natural phenomena occurred two days after the latest one: the orange shaft of light rising to the sky from where the sun would come up. But this time half way up the height of the trees on the opposite shoreline was an orange light as big and bright as if someone had a spotlight shined towards me. Yes, it’s interesting that the sun through those thick pines can only be seen for a half-minute or so, but here’s the weird thing. I went to get my camera and as in many cases I was thinking “This isn’t going to look as impressive as in real life.” I aimed at the orange spotlight and it wasn’t there! I looked up over the camera and it was there. Back to looking through the viewfinder and it was gone, but with my own eyes I could see it for a few more seconds. I never took the picture. I yelled for my husband – he said he saw the glow but is wasn’t at all impressive. Was the awesomeness just meant for me?

 

9/18/06 Inspirations               In the middle of the night, when I was achy and not sleeping well, I had a few seconds of pure joy; a heavenly joy that just was, not pinned to any physical sense or realization I’ve ever experienced before. It was like God saying — this is how you’ll feel in heaven. It was a stupor; a suspension of earthly feeling that was filled in by the heavenly peace and contentment — not glorious, but gentle and all-pervasive. It was like the touch of God, and nothing else mattered because nothing else came through to intervene.

 

9/19/06 Reflections           If intercession was good enough for Jesus, shouldn’t it be OK for me? If God gave Jesus that role instead of just taking it upon Himself, shouldn’t Jesus’ example show me that I have the same role in my own way?

Like petition, God wants us to ask. So what, if I feel my influence is over-extended if I ask God to change a situation He’s put in place? He wants me to ask and so I should, even if I don’t understand His process.

 

9/21/06 Reflections          Today James Dobson said something I know isn’t true – and that makes it troubling because I generally respect radio evangelism, but it also makes it exciting because it validates the thought I’d been having that we should trust in God and in His relationship to us instead of in other men. Even the subject matter plays into this, because I have questioned whether I should blindly build my devotions on the Bible as man’s hand is in it so extensively. James Dobson said if you don’t trust every word of the Bible as it stands you can’t glorify God. I know my own heart, so I know this isn’t true. Not only is it false, it’s arrogant to pretend to know how God works in an individual, and it’s arrogant to think mere humans understand scripture so perfectly that there’s no need to communicate directly with God. I also heard one radio evangelist shout in horror – Why, that’s mysticism! I’m sure he was thinking about some of the far-out new age practices that flirt with heresy, but his sweeping condemnation also dismisses real mysticism. It seems to me some preachers could use some direct communication with God when they start to berate my quality of devotion because it isn’t arrived at by their methods. Because I do it, I know you can follow the spirit of scripture without being a slave to it’s letter – isn’t this exactly what Jesus taught? Why is this so divisive — the point should be for everyone to know God in our hearts so we can recommend Him to others, even those who have some very legitimate skepticism about how authentic the word of God could be after having been manhandled over the centuries. It doesn’t mean we don’t hold its precepts dear to our hearts, or that we aren’t qualified to receive God’s approval because all illumination is hopelessly lost to us, as James Dobson suggests. Phooey! They will only drive people away instead of bring them into the community of believers. And it’ll get worse as scientific knowledge gets better. If you only give people one choice – to be loyal to science or to God – you will lose them to science. We who believe in God know that science and God are all one thing – why argue for one or the other? No matter what, it has to fit with God – how faithful can you be if you don’t feel that with a certainty in your heart?

 

9/22/06 Insights from Study          How did Jesus bring about salvation? By fulfilling Mosaic Law. In the Old Testament we learn how man restored his relationship to God by the priestly sacrificial rite — imparting all sins into a creation of God, killing that being, dividing it up between man and God, and burning it to raise the petition to God in heaven. Jesus, as the Lamb of God, took all sin upon Himself, as was God’s design, was sacrificed on the cross, and rose to heaven purified, obliterating in the process our death to sin, as was God’s design. In accepting Jesus as our sacrifice like those in the Old Testament days, we’re showing God we desire to be sinless, are sorry for our sins, and want to be renewed. In being a disciple of Jesus, any one of us can admit to our own sins, match our wills to God’s in order to avoid further sin, desire forgiveness, and show our trust that our salvation is assured because we have claimed it in Jesus’ name. Jesus didn’t change Old Testament law; He was God’s means to fulfill it in a more satisfactory way. Having fulfilled it, it’s now possible for us to know God in our hearts; to experience His divinity in us. With a relationship with God once again possible, we do our part to glorify God my making it the closest relationship we can. Because of sin, God still cannot promise us perfection here on earth, but in the next, eternal life, we will know it without any striving. God doesn’t ask much of us – just acceptance. It’s the only power we have been given, and we have that only because God wanted to make us in His image and for us to willingly love Him.

 

9/22/06 Inspirations           There’d be a lot less trouble world-wide if leaders would remember they’re servants; that their job is to do what benefits their subjects as representatives of the true master, who instructed us clearly to put Himself first and to treat others as we want to be treated.

 

9/26/06 Insights from Study          When the Bible says something like “pray without ceasing” we aren’t considered a failure if we can’t. On the contrary, God considers us successful if we only try. Doing the best we can is wonderful, but wanting to do what the Father wants us to do is also priceless to Him.